04/21/23

Good morning! It’s Friday, April 21st. National chickpea day!

Oh… you know what sounds good? Well, actually sour gummy worms sound good. But otherwise, some oven-roasted chickpeas sound great!

And now, the news.

Trump Heads to Testify

-via AP News

Let’s start with some news about Trump and crimes, but will not fall under the wildly popular Trump Crime Update Time umbrella. And when I say wildly popular, I’m telling you… TENS of people clamor for it. They can’t get enough! It’s not that they want Trump to do more crimes, necessarily, but whatever it takes for the segment.

Anyway, this is not that… Because this is about the upcoming rape trial that Trump will need to testify in. This all comes from a late 1995 or early 1996 alleged rape that columnist E. Jean Carroll claims happened in a Manhattan department store.

Trump says it never happened. Carroll talked about the rape in a 2019 memoir.

After a LOT of legal back and forth, Trump will have to testify in this trial next week.

On Wednesday, Trump’s lawyer, who’s named is Joe Tacopina but will be referred to as Joey Tapioca from here on out for no other reason than it’s fun, asked the judge in the case if Trump could not testify and say it’s because Trump, always so worried about others, wants to spare New York from the logistical burdens posed by his presence.

I wonder if he would be singing this song if people had protested his indictment in the city.

On Thursday, the judge’s response was such: “Mr. Trump is free to attend, to testify, or both. He is free also to do none of those things.”

It’s currently unknown if he will show up for the trial, as Joey Tapioca said that it’s too early to know if Trump will be able to make it to trial.

Not a big planner, that guy.

We’ll see how this one goes, I guess.

North Carolina Shooting

-via NBC News

His neighbor’s basketball rolled into his yard.

That is the reason a 24 year old North Carolina man shot his adult neighbor and his 6-year-old daughter on Tuesday.

A manhunt began Tuesday night, and ended on Thursday, when the man was taken into custody.

The 6-year-old had a bullet fragment in cheek has been released from the hospital. Her dad is still in the hospital in serious condition.

To be clear, that makes – knocking on the wrong door, making a u-turn, walking up to the wrong car, and now a basketball rolling into a neighbor’s yard as reasons I’ve had to report on shootings in America this week.

No Charges for Baldwin

-via NY Times

New Mexico prosecutors are dropping the involuntary manslaughter against Alec Baldwin in the Rust shooting. The change happened after new evidence shows that the gun Baldwin was modified before it was delivered to set, which undercut’s the prosecution’s original argument that the gun couldn’t have been fired unless Baldwin pulled the trigger.

It is possible for prosecutors to file new charges.

Kansas Governor Vetos Anti-Trans Bill

-via NPR

Kansas’ democratic governor Laura Kelly has vetoed a pair of anti-transgender bills. One would have banned giving transgender hormones or procedures to kids. The other bans transgender women from using women’s restrooms, shelters, or any other place specifically designed for women.

So obviously, we love to see a veto. But, on a strategy point, her statement after the veto is great: “Companies have made it clear that they are not interested in doing business with states that discriminate against workers and their families. I’m focused on the economy. Anyone care to join me?”

Give whoever wrote that a raise.

SCOTUS Ethics Getting a Closer Look

-via NPR

Senate Judiciary Committee chair Sen. Dick Durbin has invited Chief Justice John Roberts to come on down and talk about… hey, what’s up with the ethics on the Court? Feels like you should find some ethics, huh?

Noting that this would not be the first time a Supreme Court Justice has sat before the Senate, there’s plenty of ethical thinking to be had – two leaks and a nazi-collecting best friend, chief among them.

In his letter, Durbin said, "The time has come for a new public conversation on ways to restore confidence in the Court's ethical standards," Durbin wrote. "I invite you to join it, and I look forward to your response."

As of this recording, the Court has not yet responded. The hearing will take place whether or not he’s there.

Ron DeSantis Continues to Lose – Isn’t That Great?

-via Vox

And finally, because it’s Friday… let’s dunk on DeSantis.

A few days after he publicly announced that he could just, all on his own, imagine up a theme park that would somehow compete with Walt Disney World (lol… good luck hun. Build it with your own money. Let us all watch. It would be very funny.), DeSantis got Rapunzel’d with a frying pan (if you don’t get that, it’s because you haven’t seen Tangled. And if you haven’t seen Tangled… pause this episode and go watch Tangled. And then text me about it because… I mean… how good is Tangled?!).

Remember when DeSantis was like – “I can beat Disney! I can beat them with my big brain! I can beat them with creativity AND with business. Because I am Ron DeSantis, a super normal guy who is nice and does not have a grating voice.” Do you remember that? Well part of what he did was form a board that would be in charge of Disney. And because he thinks he’s so great and brave, he just assumed everything would come up DeSantis.

Because he doesn’t live in the real world.

On Wednesday, an agreement was signed that allows Disney to set its own utility rates until 2032.

DeSantis will be termed after 2026.

Which is before 2032.

So… you know… math really getting the best of DeSantis’ plan, huh?

And that’s it. That’s the news.

I’m proud of… Tangled, of course. Just like… a normal amount. It’s just so good! That lanterns are gorgeous, all of the art of amazing, the line “Gunther does interior design” from I’ve Got a Dream is factually one of the funniest things in the world to me, we love a strong woman who goes on her own adventure and make a brave hair change. And obviously, yeah duh, the soundtrack is incredible. Could I go on? Yes! Will I? Not here. I don’t want to make it weird.

Also chickpeas which I for sure, before this recording, knew were also garbanzo beans. That would be silly if I didn’t know that. I know things.

But more than that… more than learning various names for the same legume… I’m proud of you.