05/10/23

Good morning! It’s Wednesday, May 10th. National Shrimp Day!

Hey! Do you like shrimp? Because, if so… it’s a whole day to celebrate!

And now, the news.

Trump Verdict

-via NPR

First of all, you might notice that two new episodes are out today. That wasn’t my intention, but tonally... well, you’ll see for the last story but it just didn’t work to put everything into one episode.

So if you haven’t listened yet, please go check out the other episode of the news that came out today (actually, it came out Tuesday evening but it’s technically a Wednesday episode).

Alright, there we go. Let’s get started with the biggest story from Tuesday. This is the E. jean Carroll case. If you don’t want to hear it, skip forward a couple minutes as I will, just to clarify some of the law here, need to get into some of the specifics.

… the verdict is in for the civil rape case against Trump.

Feels very weird to say “civil rape” but it just means, thanks to New York law, a non-criminal charge was E. Jean Carroll’s only option. But still, in the charges of rape, sexual assault, and defamation that writer E. Jean Carroll threw at Trump after, she says, he raped her in a department store in the mid-90s, Trump has been found…

Not-liable for the rape, which I’ll explain in a second, but liable for everything else. Every other charge – Trump is factually liable of the following:

Sexual abuse

Forcible touch which resulted in an injury to Carroll

Conduct that was willingly or wantonly negligent, reckless, or done with the conscious disregard of Carroll

Maliciously defamatory statements that were false, including that injury to Carroll in a 2022 statement that it never happened

And finally – that he made those statements maliciously, out of hatred, ill, will, spite, or wanton, reckless, or will full disregard of Carroll.

Ten charges in total. Trump was found liable in all but the rape charge.

The state of New York defines rape as involving penetration with his.. uh… my mom listens to this show… his area. His peen.

So… does New York need a new definition of rape? Yeah, but in the meantime, every other charge when for Carroll.

Lawyer note, from a non-lawyer… he was not going guilty, he was liable because this was a civil suit. Not a criminal.

It took the jury three hours to come to a unanimous consensus.

Donald Trump is 2 for 2 on the guilty or liable charges post-presidency.

Of course, anyone actively or basically but just haven’t announced it yet, running against him for president on the GOP side is in a real pickle. Because they fear the dinkus, but they, themselves, are too feckless to come out and say… hey. We don’t want a sexual assaulter as the leader of our party. So they’re all falling over themselves to say the legal side of it is a mess and people are going to come after him for everything.

Yeah… everything… like sexual assault and insurrection and money crimes. Interesting how that happens.

Look, here’s the deal. This isn’t justice. A woman was sexually assaulted, she uses the term rape and honestly I don’t see how that’s not exactly what happened but the state of New York just has a term to be updated. But it happened, and so it’s hard to celebrate. Her life has been hell because the former president of the United States committed the most heinous of crimes and then continued to be awful. What’s the justice here?

Carroll has been awarded $5 million in damages. Is that enough? What is the price of rape?

But – on Tuesday, May 9th, Donald Trump was found liable for sexual assault. And it’s not enough, but it’s not nothing.

Here’s to the strength of E. Jean Carroll and every other survivor. I’m sorry you have to be that strong.

George Santos

-via CNN

Okay! Between the special episode and that story, let’s end with something to pick us up. Because we have to go have the rest of our day, so let’s end with something a little lighter.

George Santos!

You remember George Santos! He’s the actually fully-elected member of Congress who’s never heard of Google. And I believe that truth to my bones, to my marrow, because he literally lied about everything. EVERYTHING. Including, a foster-dog nonprofit that never gave money to the dogs, and saying his late mother died on 9/11.

Also like – where he went to school, past jobs he’s had… literally everything. And he really thought he’d get away with it!

Because he’s never heard of Google!

Also, and this is besides the point, and I make these comments but it’s not like I think I’m the pinnacle of fashion but… it’s too many layers. A button up and a sweater and a blazer? It’s about to be summer in DC. My god… you’ll sweat.

But who’s to say if George-y Santos will get to experience the beauty of a DC summer? Because on Tuesday night, federal prosecutors filed sealed criminal charges against George Santos. He is expected to appear in court as early as TODAY.

What is he being charged for? Honestly, who knows. There are so many possibilities! Though it’s thought to be a money crimes charge.

More on this tomorrow but let me end with this… it’s been a tough few days in the news. And I ended the special Texas episode basically going to therapy on air about how important it is to keep love in your heart.

And so, George. George Sants. Pal. I want you to know I do have love in my heart. Love for how funny I think it is that you got caught and are being charged with TBD criminal crimes, all because you never heard of Google.

George Santos. A bing bong of the highest possible order.

And that’s it. That’s the news.

I’m proud of… West Wing’s President Santos. He doesn’t deserve having the same name as George.

I’m also proud of shrimp. So versatile!

But more than that… more than a perfect shrimp taco… because you are also well balanced… I’m proud of you.