07/20/23

Good morning! It’s Thursday, July 20th.

National Moon Day.

That’s right, if you believe big moon, this is the day they claim that we first landed on the moon.

But I’m no fool. I’m not a follower. I know the truth.

The moon is cheese. And you’re not allowed to walk on cheese. The national cheese museum was very clear about that when they kicked me out.

And now, the news.

Stanford University President Quits

-via AP News

The president of Stanford is stepping down on August 31st, after an independent review cleared him of research misconduct but found flaws in papers he wrote.

This comes after a December investigation found he engaged in fraud and unethical practices related to research.

I’ve seen enough ER and Grey’s Anatomy to know how these things happen.

And I bring this up because… well I guess I’m just wondering how Stanford is taking applications. Is this a LinkedIn thing? Should I send my resume to the main office? Like, what are we doing?

Tupac Murder Investigation

-via NPR

Nearly 27 years after his murder, police searched the home of a Henderson, NV house, which is about 15 miles from where he was killed while driving home after a boxing match at the MGM Grand.

Police didn’t offer any comment, but no one was arrested during the search.

Fargo Shooting

-via AP News

Here’s something I didn’t cover last week (sorry). Last week, after police responded to a traffic stop, Mohamad Barakat, the 37-year-old who was pulled over, opened fire on the officers. He killed one officer and injured two others before he was killed by a fourth office.

At a press conference on Wednesday, police noted that multiple guns, 1,800 rounds, and a handmade grenade in his car when was pulled over.

A homemade grenade! How do you even know how to make that? Actually never mind. I don’t want to know and I don’t want to be on a recording asking that seriously.

Putin Cut Deal with Wagner

-via CNN

According to the head of Britain’s Mi6, Putin did, in fact, cut a deal with the Wagner group to get them to “leave me alone! Please! I am doing crimes. Stop doing crimes to me.”

The truth is, we really don’t know what all went down during the Wagner rebellion. And maybe one day we will, but the point is, regardless of any of that… the most important thing is that Putin came out of it all looking very weak. And that’s… always good.

Matt Gaetz Still Running His Mouth

-via The Hill

Likely in an effort to just take some of the heat off of him and the investigation into whether he sex trafficked a minor, showed inappropriate pictures around the House floor, did drugs, and misused funds… Matt Gaetz announced on Tuesday that he is going to introduce legislation to defund Jack Smith’s investigations into Donald Trump.

Imagine liking Donald Trump as much as Matt Gaetz does. How embarrassing for him.

And he made this announcement… on his podcast.

I can’t quite get a handle on how often he puts out episodes, it looks like three times a week? Sometimes he’s a little inconsistent but still… three times a week, he’s putting out 30-minute episodes. I put out 7(ish) minute episodes and they take a while. Granted, I’m sure someone’s doing the editing and all that for him but still… that takes time! Why are we letting all these Congressmembers do podcasts? What does Matt Gaetz do, besides do his little podcast and introduce absurd legislation like this?

Ugh. He’s the worst.

And that’s it. That’s the news… I guess.

Slow news day!

Hey, guess what? It’s World Cuppa time!

Kicked off with midnight (Pacific Time) with New Zealand vs Norway. The first US game will be Friday evening, 5pm PST, against Vietnam. Very exciting!

I’m proud of… our US soccer players.

Also the moon. Sometimes it has a face!

But more than that… more than the silly moon with its cute little face… because you also have a cute little face. I’m proud of you.