08/14/23

Good morning! It’s Monday, August 14th.

National Creamsicle Day

Do you remember creamsicles? Do you remember how great they were?

I guess they’re still around but when’s the last time you saw one?

And now, the news.

Maui Fires Update

-via AP News

We start in Maui, where, as of this recording, the death toll has surpassed 93, making it the deadliest U.S. wildfire in more than a century, surpassing the 2018 Camp Fire in northern California.

I’m recording this earlier in the day on Sunday, so while it would be great if that number would stop having to be changed, expect it to likely be outdated by the time this episode is online, as authorities warn that efforts to find and identify the victims was still in its early stages.

Crews with cadaver dogs have only covered 3% of the search area.

Hunter Biden Investigation

-via NBC News, NY Times, and “X” aka Twitter

On Friday, Attorney General Merrick Garland annoyed me, I mean announced that he was appointing David Weiss as special council in the Hunter Biden investigation.

As a reminder, because even I was like – for what? Hunter Biden, a private citizen whose dad happens to be president, had a plea deal set over tax and gun charges, but the deal broke down after the judge in the case wondered if this meant Hunter would also have immunity for future charges, and even though both sides said “no. That would be insane.” The judge asked both sides to clarify their language.

Those talks have, apparently, broken down with the case likely heading to trial in either California or D.C., with prosecutors suggesting they could bring different charges against the political pawn, I mean the president’s son.

Look, wait hang on, I’m not saying that he should have consequences for his actions, or that his crimes shouldn’t be properly investigated, but you’re really, with a straight face, going to tell me that investigations into Hunter, and the whole Biden family, haven’t been going since Trump was in the White House? And this is all they found? And does anyone actually believe this case would still be ongoing and dragged out if Hunter Biden wasn’t the son of the president?

Meanwhile, the last guy that held the job of president, had his bing bong adult children running through the halls of the White House, making all types of deals, literally doing the banking on the “my dad’s the president” business model that they’re trying to pin on Hunter, and no one’s said anything.

Again, consequences for actions but also… let’s not pretend this isn’t what it is.

Anyway! So, Weiss will take over the case. He was appointed by Trump and confirmed by the Republican-controlled Senate. How’d he get the gig?

Well, he asked for it, of course. Hear that ladies! We have to start asking for jobs!

Weiss, who is based on Delaware, was already overseeing the Hunter Biden probe. The plea deal that fell apart was actually his proposed deal.

Garland noted that this appointment, "reinforces for the American people the Department’s commitment to both independence and accountability in particularly sensitive matters."

Here’s what I love about this story – besides nothing.

I’m annoyed, I think it’s absurd. But the Republicans have been asking to put Hunter back in the headlines because “something something something must impress Trump at all times.” And they’ve got a Trump appointed attorney. So you’d think they’d at least be happy. But no!

On Friday, Republicans on the House Judiciary Committee tweeted, “David Weiss can’t be trusted and this is just a new way to whitewash the Biden family’s corruption.”

Why? Because he exists. So he must be bad.

Literally, because they don’t want you to trust the Department of Justice. So anything happening there must be bad.

These people! I… I have to end this segment before my head implodes. I don’t have time to clean it up.

Trump Crime Update Time

-via CNN (Georgia) and NPR (Jan. 6th)

Moving from tax evasion to reality aversion, it’s…

Trump Crime Update Time

(Two different crimes to update you on, edition)

Starting with the January 6th indictment, aka Insurrection Crimes Case…

As a reminder, when Trump was charged he was specifically warned that, should he do more crimes while this trial is going on, he could end up in jail. And he was reminded that intimidating a witness or juror counted as a crime. And he nodded his understanding, and then went outside, grabbed his phone, and immediately posted “if you come after me, I’m coming after you,” on his ironically named Truth Social.

To which Coach Beard was like – uh… hey so that’s literally exactly what we were talking about. And he filed a motion for a protective order to limit what info Trump is allowed to talk about outside of his team. That way Trump can’t, you know, dox a witness.

Team Trump said “but the first amendment!” The first amendment said “keep my name out of your mouth!” And the judge in the case, Judge Chutken, sided with Coach Beard, ruling that witness interviews and recordings would be designated as "sensitive" and covered by the protective order, since "disclosure of any of those materials creates too great a risk that witnesses may be intimidated" or the jury pool be polluted.

The best part was when she said, "Mr. Trump, like everyone else, has a First Amendment right to free speech. But that right is not absolute."

To which the First Amendment just quietly sighed, “she gets it. She just… she gets it.”

But that’s all January 6th at-large. Remember that, in Georgia, Trump and a few people that, for reasons unknown, desperately want Trump to like them, called up the Secretary of State and asked Brad to just find some extra votes in the couch cushions and make it so Trump won the election. Georgia is not, as we’re learning, the only place he did that.

But it is, currently, the only state unwilling to play and has been investigating those efforts to overturn the 2020 election results in the state.

We’ll call this… Got Any Extra Votes in the Couch Cushions, Brad? Crimes Case.

I’m running out of crime names! (Sure wish the former president and current GOP frontrunner, would run out of crimes!)

Fulton County DA Fani Willis is expected to announce charges this week in the Got Any Extra Votes in the Couch Cushions, Brad? Crimes Case. But in the meantime, we keep getting little info drops.

Someone’s got a very good friend at CNN, apparently. (Could never be me…) In yet another CNN exclusive, we learned on Sunday that Georgia prosecutors have messages showing Team Trump was behind the early January 2021 Coffee County voting systems breach. This was done in addition to the “oh pretty pretty please find more votes?” phone calls being made to the Secretary of State.

And it was coordinated by, among others, the two and only… America’s Former Mayor Rudy Giuliani, and his bestie Sydney Powell.

And by the way, don’t feel bad if you don’t remember the breach. It happened January 7th. Mentally, we were still pretty focused on the time that the sitting president pointed an armed mob at our country’s Capital and told them to attack in his honor and at his planning.

So… expect that that’ll come up when charges are announced, likely this week.

And that’s it. That’s the news!

I’m proud of creamsicles. Orange on the outside. A flavor I can’t really describe on the inside. Good all around.

But more than that… because you are also good all around… I’m proud of you.