09/28/23

Good morning! It’s Thursday, September 28th.

National Strawberry Cream Pie Day!

Great, now I want pie.

And now, the news.

Shutdown Update

-via Washington Post

Let’s start with the looming possible government shutdown, which just got a little more likely after House Republicans, predictably, said they would not consider the Senate’s spending bill they passed.

I don’t really have much more to add to this, because that’s kind of all that happened with it today. That’s big, but not like… it doesn’t require a lot of words to cover. So uh… that’s that story.

My hunch is that there will be more news on this today.

Newson Signs Gun Bill

-via AP News

I forgot to tell you something that happened on Tuesday. Well, I guess it’s not that I forgot but that there was just a lot going on…

Anyway, on Tuesday, California’s governor Newsom signed three bills aimed at reducing gun violence. With those three bills, California will now ban people from carrying guns in most public places and also double the taxes on guns and ammunition sold in the state.

The federal tax is at either 10% or 11%, depending on the type of gun, but this adds another 11% tax on top of that. The additional tax will pay for security improvements at public schools, as well as gun violence prevention programs, including some geared toward young people in gangs.

He acknowledged these new laws may not survive a Supreme Court battle, if that happens, but in the moment… very exciting. Good job state of California.

Travis King in U.S. Custody

-via NY Times

Travis King, the American soldier who sneaky snuck in North Korea on a tour of the Joint Security Area between North and South Korea because he’d been arrested in South Korea on assault charges and was facing additional big trouble mister at Fort Bragg in Texas, was released in U.S. custody on Wednesday.

He was flown into San Antonio for a medical exam.

I was going to make a joke about how this guy literally snuck into North Korea because he didn’t want to go back to Greg Abbott’s Texas, but North Korea’s state news agency said Private King snuck into North Korea because he was angry at America, so I’m obviously not going to like – piggyback on North Korea’s lies.

So thanks a lot North Korea! You ruined my sick burn on Greg Abbott!

RNC Primary Debate

-via CNN

Wednesday night gave the world the second Republican primary and uh… what a bummer for all of us. What a bummer for me, specifically, because I watched it. For you.

What a hero I am.

The biggest takeaway? Vivek Ramaswamy is annoying.

Everyone argued, everyone was annoying. Everyone had their talking points. And I get it, it’s hard, when we’re at this point in the primaries, to really do much in these early debates besides move the ball forward a little, but still. It’s not fun to listen to two hours of it!

Chris Christie stuck with his focus on bringing Trump down, which went well until he called Donald Trump Donald Duck. Tim Scott and Nikki Haley were fine. For her part, Nikki was wild enough to bring some facts to the debate, which was appreciated. DeSantis was his normal terrible self with a voice that is… surprising. Mike Pence remained transphobic, saying he would ban gender-affirming surgeries and medications.

But let me tell you - Ramaswamy is annoying. Interrupted the entire time but never with any substance. Just a ChatGPT answer. Dude just learned what voting is and now wants to be president? I did enjoy when, while he tried interrupting again, Chris Christie just told him to put his hand down. Also, I say Nikki Haley was fine, but she did have the sickest burn - "Every time I hear you, I feel like a little bit dumber." That was to Ramaswamy. I’m telling you, no one likes him. And I’m glad.

But please no one tell him that because I’m not kidding when I tell you that he’s annoying, sure, but he’s also got some anger in him that genuinely scares me. That’s… that’s not a joke.

Oh! Wait hang on… I have to tell you about this other thing. I hate it, but people are going to make fun of it today and I want you to not be left out. But know that I hate this… so Chris Christie came down hard against the teacher’s union, and also for some reason took a swipe at Dr. Jill Biden by saying “when you have a president sleeping with a member of the teacher’s union…” which was weird enough, but then Mike Pence was like – oh! I know how to make things worse! And, and by the way, he said this so awkwardly which is how I know this was off the cuff and also he is very uncomfortable talking about sex and making jokes, but he said, “my wife’s not a member of the teacher’s union but I’ve been sleeping with a teacher for years.”

Michael… no one wants to hear about that! Also, that’s not… what anyone was talking about! It was SO weird.

Ramaswamy is an angry dude, but Pence is such a weirdo. Ugh. All around bad. I can’t even… like… ew!

Trump Visits UAW

-via Al Jazeera

Donald Trump wasn’t at the debate though, because he was so busy supporting striking workers in—oops, I’m sorry. That’s Joe Biden that supports workers.

Donald Trump made a trip to Michigan on Wednesday to… well he claimed he was going to “save the autoworkers,” but what he actually did was have an invitation-only event at a non-union auto parts supplier, where he was invited to speak by the managers. And he did it to counter-program against the debate.

What an absolute trash.

And that’s it. That’s the news.

I am not proud of any of the jokes anyone made at the GOP debate.

I AM proud of strawberry cream pies… although now I wonder if I’ve ever had one. Huh.

Whatever. More than strawberry cream pies, because you’re sweet, which I assume strawberry cream pies are… I’m proud of you.