01/11/24

Good morning! It’s Thursday, January 11th.

Cigarettes Are Hazardous to Your Health Day

This is different than the Great American Smokeout. Which sounds like a BBQ but is a day to motivate everyone to quit smoking.

This is just a day to be like… hey! Not great for ya!

And now, the news.

Chris Christie Drops Out

-via AP News

We start with “it’s still free to bully the bullies” news…

Chris Christie has dropped his bid for the presidency.

“Oh no, Chris, it really seemed like you had it in the bag…”

Look, Chris Christie was never going to be president. And I feel like, deep down, he probably knew that was the case. But his entire vibe was – Trump tried to kill me. And then he tried to burn democracy to the ground. I think I’m gonna need to bully him for a while.

As far as any of the candidates go, he was the only one out there seriously telling the truth about Trump.

But he stepped down ahead of next week’s caucus because, and this is important, ticket-splitting gives Trump the candidacy in the same absolute certainty that voting third-party gives him the presidency.

So, you know… we don’t have to respect his policies to respect his hatred of Trump.

He did not endorse a candidate, but did say, “I am going to make sure that in no way do I enable Donald Trump to ever be president of the United States again. And that’s more important than my own personal ambition.”

So, there we go.

Hunter Biden

-via Washington Post

In a real power move that I wish had included a cool like “bet you weren’t expecting to see me” line after… Hunter Biden showed up to his own contempt hearing on the Hill.

So here’s what’s happening… as you may recall, last December Hunter was served a subpoena for the House Judiciary Committee and the House Oversight Committee as they continue on their mission to impeach Biden for crimes to be announced at a later date, as soon as they can invent some.

Hunter said he wouldn’t comply with a subpoena that was conducted in secret, so he kind of didn’t show up but still went to Congress and said he’d answer any questions publicly. Obviously that’s not gonna fly, so they declined and then moved to charge him with contempt.

That contempt hearing was today and friend – it sure was sloppy! The committee members starting fighting each side of the aisle, accusing the other of playing politics. Which… but also, I mean, he’s there to answer questions. Either ask him questions or don’t but you can’t really accuse him of not wanting to answer questions when he’s there, stunt or not.

But in the end, the two Committees voted to hold him, a private citizen, in contempt. It now heads to the floor where the whole House has to vote on it. As a reminder, Republicans have two whole votes more than the Dems, so tbd. And kind of the vote doesn’t matter because it’s a vote to ask the US Attorney’s office to do ‘em a solid and hold him in contempt. So even if it does pass the House, he still won’t be held in contempt.

Rep. Moskowitz, a Democrat out of Florida, actually said he’d vote for contempt and make it bipartisan if they would also vote to hold Scott Perry, Mark Meadows, Jim Jordan, Mo Brooks, Andy Biggs, and Kevin McCarthy, all people who ignored subpoenas about the part they played in the January 6th insurrection, in contempt as well.

No one seemed into that idea, for some reason…

Trump Crime Update Time

-via NBC News

Just a little bit’a

Trump Crime Update Time

For ya!

After refusing to say he would stick to the facts of the case and not engage in any attacks, which feels like kind of the bare minimum in any situation but especially in court, the judge in Trump’s New York money crimes case will not allow Trump to give a closing statement.

So… that case is coming to a close and it’s just so funny to me that the judge was like, “he can give a closing statement but he just can’t lie or attack anyone, including his staff, and his lawyer said he couldn’t comply because he’d be too hamstrung.

And then the judge gave his lawyers deadlines, and extensions on those deadlines, and still his lawyers couldn’t agree to the terms of “don’t lie or attack,” and so he will not be able to give a closing statement.

NYC Synagogue Tunnel

-via AP News

And finally… I am, eventually, maybe, going to talk about the tunnel found under a New York City Synagogue. However, there is so much misinformation and so many conspiracy theories, and just… antisemitism as far as the eye can see. So once there’s a little more information about what the tunnel actually is, if it’s still news, I’ll talk about it.

In the meantime – a tunnel was found under a historic Brooklyn Synagogue on Monday. It appears to have started in the basement of an empty apartment building and snakes under offices and lectures halls before connecting to the Synagogue. Its purpose is unclear. A protest broke out after a cement truck arrived to seal the opening. Police arrested nine people.

Again, lots of unknowns so we’ll see where this story goes.

One thing I do want to note is that people are claiming it connects to a children’s museum and is being used for trafficking minors. These claims are false. Full-stop. They are not true.

So, if you’re going to take one thing from this story, let it be that.

And that’s it. That’s the news.

I’m proud of… people who call out the unhealthiness of cigarettes. So like… way to go magazines in the 80s.

But more than that… because you’re cooler than a camel… I’m proud of you.