01/29/24

Good morning! It’s Monday, January 29th.

National Puzzle Day.

Can I tell you something? I love a puzzle. Can’t do em, because I have a cat now, but just as a concept – I love them so much.

And now, the news.

Drone Strike in Jordan

-via AP News

Let’s start with the news that three American troops were killed, and dozens more were injured in an overnight drone strike in Jordan, near the Syrian border. These are the first US deaths since the start of the Israel-Hamas war.

President Biden blamed Iran-backed militias for the attack, and said that the United States “shall respond.”

Though, as of this recording, it is not currently known which militia group is behind the attack. So that’s… not great.

Biden and Senate Close to Border Deal

-via CBS News

After weeks of negotiations, Biden and a group of bipartisan (ooOOooohhhh) Senators appear to be close to a border deal.

The deal could be announced this week, with GOP Senator Lankford and Democratic Senator Murphy working with Eyeroll Senator, I’m sorry, I mean independent Senator, Kyrsten Sinema.

Of course, if it makes it out of the Senate, it faces quite the battle in the House, with Speaker Johnson pushing for stricter changes to the asylum system.

Trump, who is not currently the president, says he’ll fight the border deal all the way to the Senate. But again, that dude’s not the president, so many he just means with like – wishes and rallies?

Anyway, so keep an ear out for that border deal announcement soon, likely followed by Speaker Johnson announcing that the bill, as it stands, is DOA. And I know this because I’m very smart, and also because he already called it dead on arrival, which Trump preached.

And I just think it’s great that the actual real life elected Speaker of the House is basing policy on how a presidential candidate feels.

Joe Manchin Wants to Be President

-via CNN

In nothing news, but I can’t not mention it… Joey Manchy says he can “absolutely” see himself as president, and that a Trump conviction or Biden health scare, could give him an opening to run as an independent.

And like – yeah, a Trump conviction, sure.

But… so… Joseph, are you hoping Biden has a health scare? So you can lose a presidential run?

Because who is voting for this dude? He was a democrat, on paper, until like 30 seconds ago. So… but it’s not like the democrats are going to vote for him, because we think he’s a dinkus.

So what is the point of you, Joey Manchy?!

Ugh.

Like I said, that’s not really news but it is a story.

GOP Releases Mayorkas Impeachment Articles

-via NPR

On Sunday, the House Committee on Homeland Security released draft impeachment articles against Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas.

The 20-page document accuses him of high crimes and misdemeanors, including "willfully" disregarding immigration law, which Democrats say is simply Republicans using their power in the House to “score political points.”

The committee is planning to meet Tuesday to mark up the articles. If they like it, it could go to a vote anytime after that. It it’s voted out of committee, it would the go to a full House vote. If he’s impeached in the House, it would be up to a Democratic-majority Senate to decide if they should convict.

Illinois Primary v Trump

-via AP News

The Illinois Board of Election is expected to consider whether Trump should be kicked off the primary in that state. The case was presented first to a hearing officer, a retired Republican judge, who said Trump should be removed from the primary ballot but it should be up to the courts.

Even if the board, which is split evenly between Republicans and Democrats, this is all a little mute because the Supreme Court case, which is focused on Colorado, is likely going to give guiding precedence to other states. Like Illinois.

Super Bowl

-via ESPN

Folks, we’ve got ourselves a Super Bowl matchup. The Chiefs will play the 49ers on Sunday, the 11th.

And you know me… big football head.

So go football.

$83.3M for Running His Mouth

-via NY Times

The verdict is in, in the E. Jean Carroll defamation case. As a reminder, Trump was already found liable for sexual assault and defamation.

On Friday, a jury decided to award $83.3 million to Carroll.

$83.3 million because the man is factually unable to close his mouth.

Imagine.

Is it enough? No. Is it gonna work? Probably no also. But you know what? Hey - $83.3 million is not thing and maybe it’ll even convince a few people that perhaps Trump is not a good dude.

And that’s it. That’s the news.

Go sports!

I’m proud of the football teams. I hope they’re all best friends.

I’m proud of puzzles, they’re so fun.

But more than that… more than football… because you actually make sense to me… I’m proud of you.