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News Transcripts

02/13/24

Good morning! It’s Tuesday, February 13th.

Galentine’s Day.

Galentine’s Day is a day to celebrate the magic and wonder of Parks and Rec in general, and Leslie Knope specifically. Honor it accordingly.

And now, the news.

 

NYC Subway Shooting

-via ABC News

We start how we start here in America, with one person dead and another five injured after a shooting at a Bronx subway station.

Speaking to the press, NYPD’s Chief of Transit, Michael Kemper, said the shooting was not random and began inside the train when two groups got into an argument. As the train pulled into the Bronx station, one person opened fire. No arrests have been made and no suspects have been named.

 

Update on Church Shooting

-via NBC News

We’ve also got an update on the Houston shooting that took place Sunday in Joel Osteen’s megachurch.

First, we now know that the five-year-old, who was with the shooter and is still in critical condition, was the shooter’s son. Also, he is seven, not five, as reported on Sunday (and here on Monday).

The shooter has been identified as 36-year-old Genesse Ivonne Moreno.

The details are horrific on their face, but brace yourself because they get worse:

Of the two rifles Moreno had on her, one had the word “Palestine” written on it. Antisemitic writings were also found in her belongings.

A motive is still not clear, though police noted it’s possible a dispute between her and her ex-husband’s family, some of whom are Jewish, may be related. Moreno made several comments during the shooting as well, but police didn’t say what they were.

A couple additional details – Moreno claimed to have a bomb, but a search after the shooting didn’t produce one. She also sprayed something on the ground, but whatever it was, was tested and didn’t pose a threat.

Can’t not mention that, because of Governor Abbott’s statement about how they’re going to hold the perpetrator accountable, that this woman had at least six arrests since 2005 and was placed under emergency detention in 2016. And yet, it sounds like she legally purchased those guns.

Just in case he’s looking to hold anyone accountable, he should consider starting with the Governor of the state where it’s easier to buy a gun than vote.

Also, if you haven’t seen the video of Joel Osteen in a press conference after the shooting… it’s weird. I’m not kidding you – that dude is smiling. I’m sure he’s not happy about this, but it is absolutely bizarre to see it. And I’m not saying it almost looks like he’s smiling. I’m telling you – he’s smiling.

 

Nor’easter Storm

-via NPR

A nor’easter is set to hit the mid-atlantic and New England starting… well starting last night, Monday night, which is actually a few hours from now, for me, but a few hours ago for you. Time, ya know…

Parts of New York City could see at least six inches of snow, while dtown btown, aka Boston, could see up to a foot.

So be safe everyone.

 

Trump Asks SCOTUS For Help

-via AP News

In very expected news, Trump has asked the Supreme Court to hear his plea to please, please, please, let me get what I want

In other words, he is asking the high court to overturn a lower court ruling and decide that, as president, Trump is free to do literally anything. Including insurrection and election stealing crimes. The appeal states: “Without immunity from criminal prosecution, the Presidency as we know it will cease to exist.”

Which, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – is bonkers! Without being able to do to crimes, the presidency is over?

Maybe YOUR presidency! But we knew that… that’s why we didn’t elect ya a second time. Because we didn’t like how you did it the first time, including the fact that we didn’t like all the crimes you did. Some of which you’re in trouble for now. And your argument isn’t “no but you don’t understand, they weren’t crimes and here’s my defense.” Instead it’s “I should just be able to do anything. Including crimes.”

That’s not… that’s not how this works!!

Flames. Flames on the side of my face.

Anyway, the Court has not yet responded.

As a reminder, their choices are to say “no thanks, we want to stay far away from this as possible,” and decline to hear the case. In which case the lower court ruling stands and the federal election stealing crimes case, that’s what this is about, those are the specific crimes he wants immunity from in this moment, can go forward.

The court can also agree to hear it, and if they do they can either decide to hustle it up and hear it right away, which is what Coach Beard wants, or they can delay delay delay, which is what Trump wants. And that’s key because the federal election stealing crimes case can’t go forward while this is in limbo.

And Trump’s goal with all these cases is just to delay as long as humanly possible.

You know… like all innocent people.

Would love to clear myself of these crimes I for sure didn’t go, but before we do that, do you mind reading Tolsoy’s War and Peace? Slowing? And allow time for discussion? And then after that, I can’t wait to rush and clear my name of these crimes!

 

And that’s it. That’s the news.

Hey fun fact, Tolstoy is a long book but not the longest. The longest book ever published is a book that translates to “Remembrance of Things Past.” At 9,609,000 characters, that is the current record for longest book. For now.

Wait until they publish my Parks and Rec fanfiction I’ve been writing. That’ll show em. That’ll show all of em.

Spoiler alert, the hero is not who you think it is.

Just kidding! The hero is always Leslie Knope. And Amy Poehler. Neither of which have every done a single thing wrong in their lives.

Also Ashley Dylan Zazzarino, because our showmance is what Galentine’s Day was made for.

But more than how proud Ben is when Leslie wins city council, because you also understand that, to quote Knope, “what makes work worth doing is getting to do it with people you love,” I’m proud of you.

Kim Moffat