02/20/24 (Trump Crime Special Episode)

Trump Crime Update Time

-via NY Times (NY civil case ruling), NPR (shoe line), Newsweek (GoFundMe), and The Hill (SCOTUS)

And because we could all use a little levity and fun here…

Trump Crime Update Time

(So many crimes, so many updates, edition)

There was so much Trump Crime on Friday and over the weekend! I’m so excited to tell you all about it!

First up, on Friday, the judge in the New York civil money crimes case, that’s the one where Trump changed the square footage, and therefore worth, of various properties in order to pay lower taxes but also get more money in loans, handed down Trump’s punishment.

As a reminder, Trump’s crack legal team decided they didn’t want a jury for this, so the judge already found Trump guilty. This whole trial, during which Trump was super rude, dismissive, and fined multiple times for violating a gag order, was just about the judge trying to decide how much Trump owes.

And on Friday we learned just how much that is. To the tune of… $355 million! But wait, that’s not all!

He also owes interest! So now that total is a cool almost $450 million. And that interest will continue to grow. We love to see it.

The judge also hit the elder Trump boys with a $4 million fine each.

Trump is banned from serving in any top roles in ANY New York company for the next three years. The elder boys are banned for two years.

And then after that the judge was like – oh, lemme toss this in as well: “Their complete lack of contrition and remorse borders on pathological.”

Hey man, ya got a mic, use it. You know?

“Oh no! How will he pay?”

I know, I’m worried too because he also needs to pay E. Jean Carroll all the money which means he’s gotta secure a bond (who in their right mind), or set aside his own money (which likely means selling some properties and if he’s as bad at selling properties as he was at steaks…). I mean, he’ll appeal but still – he still has to put the money aside.

Anyway, so oh no! How will he pay?

ABG baybee… always. Be. Griftin.

First of all, at a sneaker conference in Philly, noted #sneakerhead Trump debuted a shoe line! Yeah – a shoe line. The series headers are the high top sneakers, gold with an American flag on top and a T towards the bottom, that sell for a cool $399. There are also a few other flavors. Also perfume and cologne that I have no interest in smelling. I just… you know when you can see something, or someone, and know what they smell like? I just feel very confident I know what Trump smells like. I have no interested in knowing if I’m correct, not any interest in smelling anything else he’s putting his name on.

So we’ve got the sneakers. They’re terrible (link in shoe notes). But those $399 sneakers, which are the highest priced ones, are limited edishes. Only 1,000 were offered. So that’s $399,000 (before taxes). How will he make up the other $449,601,000?

GoFundMe!

One of his supporters has started a GoFundMe to raise $355 million (apparently they’re not willing to help his raise the interest? You’re on your own kid – ew. No. I’m sorry I brought one of my favorite bridges into this story)

As of this recording, more than 7,000 people have always raised more than half a million.

Half a million.

Fun fact – I can literally save democracy with my nonprofit for HALF of that.

Unbelievable.

And hey what about the time that, as part of his scheme to steal an election, he orchestrated and motivated an army to raise up arms against the country that, at that time, he was literally the president of?

Also on Friday, though this was much less headline news as him owing almost half a billion because he’s so bad at business, we learned that Trump will not file an appeal with the Supreme Court saying that he should be immune from civil lawsuits that blame him for January 6th.

Which means that the cases brought by some Capitol police officers as well as a few Democratic lawmakers who were in the capitol during the riots, can go forward. So he may end up needed to sell some sneakers to make up for fines there too.

So there? See why this had to be it’s own little mini-sode.