02/29/24

Good morning! It’s Thursday, February 29th.

Lead Day!

There are so many good deals today. Most of them are for fast food but there are a ton. Free quac at Chiptole!

And now, the news.

Budget Deal Struck

-via CBS News

There is so much news today!

Let’s start with Congress, Leaders of the House and Senate have struck a deal that will hopefully avoid a shutdown.

And you’re going to be shocked when I tell you… it’s yet another short-term funding extension.

That’s how you want your country to be funded… by the week.

Literally… it would fund some government agencies until March 8 and the rest until March 22.

The House will vote on it today.

Richard Lewis

-via CNN

Some very sad news – Richard Lewis, a legendary comedian who also starred on HBO’s Curb Your Enthusiasm, died Tuesday night.

He was 76.

Texas Wildfire Update

-via NBC News

Texas’ Smokehouse Creek fire has grown to more than 850,000 acres and, as of this recording, is only 3% contained.

It is now the second largest fire in the state’s history.

Thousands of homes and businesses are without power with the state hoping they can gain more ground today, with expected light rain in the morning.

However, those strong winds are expected to return over the weekend.

Republicans Block IVF Protection Bill

-via AP News

In “we’ll see you in November” news…

Senate Republicans have blocked legislation that would protect access to IVF.

Can you EVEN?

Mississippi’s Sen. Cindy Hyde-Smith blocked the bill, which would have established a federal right to IVF treatments, from even going to a vote.

Immediately following the move, Republicans put out statements like Tedward Cruz who said he supports IVF, believing it to be, “entirely life affirming.” And Kansas Sen. Roger Marshall, a former obstetrician, really fixed his mouth to say: “We are the pro-family party, and there’s nothing more pro-family than helping couples have a baby.”

The pro-family party?

Can you imagine the delusion it takes to say that with a straight face?

Judge Rules Texas Spending Bill Unconstitutional

-via NBC News

And in news that my stepdad found…

On Tuesday a Federal judge ruled that Texas’ 2022 $1.7 billion funding bill was unconstitutionally passed because they used the Covid-era rule that allowed lawmakers to vote by proxy instead of in person.

Now, you might be thinking – why are they looking at a 2022 funding bill?

That’s because Texas’ AG and terrible human Ken Paxton asked the US District Judge to block a provision of that bill that gave pregnant workers stronger legal protections.

I. Mean… so, Kenneth, you don’t actually care about the bill. You just literally want to ease up on protections for pregnant workers.

Uh oh. Someone should make sure Sen. “Pro-life party” hears about this! Because when he will surely be shocked that this action.

The cruelty is the point.

Odysseus Takes a Nap

-via CBS News

Hey remember when we were like – Odysseus is on the moon! Amazing!

Well Odysseus, nicknamed Odie, is going to take a nice little three week nap (lucky!) because it only has about 10 to 20 hours left of power. So they’re going to tuck it in and then try and wake it up when the sun can hit the solar panel again.

Night night little pal.

Trump Crime Update Time

-via NY Times (NY civil case), CNN (Supreme Court), and BBC (Illinois)

But let’s be real, I know what you came here for today…

Trump Crime Update Time

(So many things!, edition)

Okay let’s start with a ruling in his New York civil money crimes case appeal. Trump wants to appeal his penalty that is gaining interest every minute and is currently sitting at $450 million owed.

To be granted an immediate appeal, he needed to put up the whole amount. He also had the option of putting up some, or none, of the fine and still filing an appeal.

On Wednesday, he attempted to put up $100 million as he filed his appeal.

I don’t mean to brag about my big brain by 100 is less than 450.

He said securing the whole amount was “impossible.”

He pled his case in front of a single appellate court judge who said – nope. There will be no pause while he appeals, which means the interest will continue to accrue.

He’ll give it a try again next month with a five-judge panel.

In the meantime, he is on the hook for almost half a billion dollars. Tish James is expected to grant him a 30-day grace period but when that expires on March 25th, she could, should she be so inclined, immediately begin to seize bank accounts and properties.

Pretty cool.

So that’s that case.

What about the time he literally did an insurrection because he was having big feelings about having lost the election?

Well after saying that, as president, he should have complete immunity from literally everything, and a lower court judge ruled that that’s bonkers and embarrassing it ever even came out of his mouth (I mean, the judge did say it like that but… I’m sure they were thinking it), he asked the Supreme Court to pretty please let him get away with insurrections.

And on Wednesday the Court said they were willing to hear out the case.

Honestly, this one’s pretty surprising.

I think most of us assumed they would want to stay far away from this one, but nope – they’re going to hear the case. The Supreme will hear arguments the week of April 22nd.

And I think that’s going to do wonders for my anxiety.

There is still no answer from the Supremes about Colorado removing Trump from the ballot.

But in the meantime, Illinois has become the third state to leave him off the primary because of the time that he did an insurrection, with a Cook County circuit judge agreeing with voters who brought case and argued that Trump violated the 14th Amendment.

Again, we’ll see what happens when we finally get a Colorado ruling but still… he did it. We saw and heard him tell people to go to the Capitol. He did insurrection and honestly the fact that this party, which is so pro-life that they don’t want kids to get free lunches, people to get IVF, or pregnant people to have workplace protections, so pro-police that officers died on January 6th, and so pro-justice that judges are getting bomb threats, that this party supports him… I guess it checks out but I just… don’t love it.

Mitch Says Goodbye

-via NPR

And finally… Mitch McConnell.

But you never thought I could have such joy in my voice when saying his name but that’s because today is a very special day.

Because Mitch McConnell, the architect of the absolute worst parts of politics, the stealer of the Supreme Court, the keeper of Trump, announced that he will be stepping down as speaker in January. He intends to serve out the rest of the term, which ends in 2027.

Is whatever coming going to be worse? Yes.

But I find that today the sun is a little brighter. The water a little cooler. Music a little louder.

Because he truly is the worst and I wish him nothing but a long long life in which he will sit, reflect, and regret every bad thing he has brought upon this country.

“Gee Kim, you’re being a little harsh there.”

I’d argue I’m taking it easy. But you know what? One say I’ll never have to talk about him at all. And that will be nice.

And that’s it. That’s the news.

I’m proud of… toast! It’s also National Toast Day!

And of course, it’s Jerry Gergich’s birthday. Happy birthday Larry.

But more than toast, because you’ve never, not once, cut the roof of my mouth… I’m proud of you.