02/07/24

Good morning! It’s Wednesday, January 7th.

National Black HIV/AIDS Awareness Day.

According to a 2019 study by the CDC, Black people make up an estimated 13% of the US population, but 40% of people with HIV.

There are many things you can do today, or actually… any day I guess, to be of service but here are two suggestions: First, share that data. Make sure people are aware that HIV/AIDS disproportionately affects Black Americans. Also, get tested!

And now, the news.

Jennifer Crumbley Found Guilty

-via NPR

Let’s start with some quietly historic news – on Tuesday, Jennifer Crumbley, the mom of a teenager who killed four students and injured seven others in a 2021 mass shooting at a Michigan high school, was found guilty on four counts of involuntary manslaughter.

It's believed to be the first time a parent has been tried for manslaughter in connection with their kid’s mass shooting.

Prosecutors successfully argued that she didn’t do enough to prevent the 2021 shooting, including ignoring warning signs and, most notably, not securing the gun used in the shooting.

Her sentencing date is April 19th, she faces up to fifteen years in prison. Her husband, the shooter’s dad, is due to start his trial in early March.

Boeing Bolts Were Missing

-via CNN

On Tuesday investigators said that the four bolts missing from the door that flew off of last month’s Alaska Airlines flight were just… never on.

I don’t know if that’s supposed to make it better or worse.

When I thought they were on there and just loose or something, I thought: oh yikes. That’s not great.

But now that I know they were treated like I treat the extra screws in a Target shelving unit… with a shrug as I toss em in the trash… I guess I’m still like: oh yikes. That’s not great.

There really was just no answer that would have made me think it was fine, is what it’s coming down to, I think.

Mayorkas Impeachment Fails

-via NY Times

Alright, ready to have some fun on a Wednesday?

Let’s start with a stunning failure for House Speaker Mike Johnson, as the vote to impeach homeland security secretary Alejandro Mayorkas failed so beautifully after House Republicans broke with their party.

It failed on a 216-214 vote.

It’s funnier to me that he failed with it being that close.

This guy, Mike Johnson, is terrible at his job. Terrible!

How do you not have an exact count for all of your members? How are you surprised on any vote, especially this big of one?

The Republicans just straight up do not want to make a positive difference at the border. They played this stupid impeachment game, a game so clearly political that three Republicans defected at the last minute.

They also don’t want a bipartisan border deal, because something something something but at the end of the day it’s so they can help Trump.

It’s really something amazing. Dangerous. Super dangerous. But also amazing how bad they are at governing.

And how bad at his job, Speaker Johnson is.

Can you ever? Like, genuinely try and picture Nancy Pelosi miscounting her members and vote count on such a vital count. You can’t! Nancy would never!

Trump Crime Update Time

-via Washington Post and CNN

And now…

Trump Crime Update Time

(lolololololololol edition)

We had Trump Crime Update Time news so early this morning, and I just could not wait to talk about it. Because it’s not super surprising, but it sure is gonna be funny!

On Tuesday, a federal appeals court ruled that Trump is not immune from prosecution for crimes he committed during his presidency, specifically his election stealing crimes.

And I just think this is great. I think it’s great because it probably put him in a bad mood, and we love to see him big mad. I think it’s great for consequences for actions because duh.

And I think it’s great because we bully the bullies here and like – my guy. Surround yourself with at least one person who loves you enough to tell you the truth and get therapy so you can allow yourself to hear them when they tell you… you are a dinkus.

Ya can’t be immune from crimes, ya putz!

If you don’t want to get in trouble for crimes, stop doing crimes! Stop stealing elections and also classified documents we both know you’ll never read.

Get a hobby. Learn to knit.

Imagine the absurdity of thinking not just that you can get away with something, but that you won’t even need to sweat getting caught because you just… are immune.

My goodness.

Anyway, so in theory his Coach Beard January 6th election stealing crimes case can go forward if he doesn’t appeal. He has until Monday to do so, and that would be an appeal to the Supremes, who can either decide not to hear the case, in which case the lower court decision stands, hear it quickly, or just hear it whenevs, which further delays his trial.

We’ll see!

A pretty baller line from the ruling came in this mighty little sentence here: “It would be a striking paradox if the President, who alone is vested with the constitutional duty to ‘take Care that the Laws be faithfully executed,’ were the sole officer capable of defying those laws with impunity.”

And that’s it. That’s the news.

I’m proud of… judges. Consequences for action.

Also fettuccine alfredo. It’s also fettuccine alfredo.

But more than all of that combined, because you’re as rich as alfredo sauce, but in goodness, not sauce… I’m proud of you.