03/22/24

Good morning! It’s Friday, March 22nd.

National goof off day.

Goofin? On a Friday?

Can’t think of anything better!

And now, the news.

Biden Cancels More Debt

-via NPR

Let’s start with some fun news that was probably very fun for everyone who it effected to learn… on Thursday, President Biden erased yet more student debt. This time it was for nearly 80,000 public service workers (including teachers, nurses, and firefighters), to a tune of about $6 billion.

And if you’re looking for a heck of a statement on this, here’s the President’s comment on this latest round of debt cancelation: "Because of the fixes my Administration has made, we have now cancelled student debt for over 870,000 public service workers — compared to only about 7,000 public service borrowers ever receiving forgiveness prior to my Administration."

Federal Funding Fun

-via NY Times

When they write the book on Speaker Johnson they will spend a lot of time talking about what an absolute weirdo he is. But they will also, inevitably, have to talk about this:

The constant concern over the funding of the government.

On Thursday, top congressional negotiators unveiled a $1.2 trillion spending bill that funds half of the government, including Homeland Security, the Pentagon and health agencies.

Feels like those are things we should for sure have funded.

The House is hoping to vote today, bypassing a self-imposed rule that normally requires a 72 hour waiting person, which would give the members a chance to read the bill before voting on it.

No time for that though! The votes need to get rushed today, so it can get rushed to the Senate where it will hopefully pass and then get over to the President’s desk for signature.

Cuttin it a little close there, Mikey!

Half the government shuts down at 12:01 tomorrow (east coast time).

The bill’s got a little something for everyone to love and hate in it, including funding for 2,000 new Border Patrol agents and additional detention beds run by Immigration and Customs Enforcement for the Republicans, funding increases for federal child care and education programs, cancer and Alzheimer’s research for the democrats, and a provision that cuts off aid to the main UN agency providing assistance to Palestinians.

That provision means suspending funding through March 2025 and is supported by the White House and lawmakers from parties after Israel accused at least 12 of the agency’s employees of participating in the Oct. 7 attack.

Idaho Manhunt Over

-via NBC News

After about a 36-hour hunt for an inmate who escaped from an Idaho prison, as well as his little buddy who helped him escape by shooting corrections officers, the two suspects have been taken into custody.

An investigation is ongoing, and includes looking into two homicides in two different places that officials believe are connected to the two men.

Of the two corrections officers that were shot, one had non-life-threatening injuries, while the other is stable in critical condition.

Final Mississippi Officers Sentenced

-via CNN

On Thursday the final two Mississippi police officers, who were a part of something they called the “goon squad,” were sentenced for their actions in the torture of two Black men in January of 2023.

Although technically five of those sentenced were a part of the Goon Squad. The sixth was a police officer, not a member of the Sherriff’s department. He also didn’t identify as a part of the Goon Squad.

But on the other hand, he tased the men while they were handcuffed and tried to throw away evidence. So it’s like… aren’t you kind of in that group still?

Apple Hit with Antitrust Suit

-via CBS News

In antitrust suit filed on Thursday, the Department of Justice alleged that Apple illegally engaged in anti-competitive behavior in an effort to build a “moat around its smartphone monopoly.”

Included in the suit is the allegation that the company used its app development rules, as well as things we all use every day (like Messages and Wallet), to prevent competition and charge higher prices.

It also alleges that they blocked smaller competitors from creating similar apps, disrupting messaging formats between Apple and non-Apple devices, and monopolizing the tap-to-pay feather to only use Apple Wallet.

This is not a surprise and I’m certainly not going to stick up for a company that brought in nearly $400 billion in revenue last year but – honestly the things that are anti-competitive are also the things that keep my phone running smoothly and looking uniform across all platforms. Have you seen a Droid lately? Honestly, some people have them looking like a MySpace page.

Trump Crime Update Time

-via CNN (NY AG), AP News (Trump PAC), and Yahoo! News (Kavanaugh quote)

And for a little Friday fun…

Trump Crime Update Time!

(Little bits and pieces edition)

As of this recording, thanks to a website called trumpdebtcounter.com, we know that Trump owes more than $467, 709, 940 dollars. Actually, it’s more as of this recording. That’s the amount as of me writing this (yes, shocking as it sometimes is, this show is actually planned out and written) , but he adds $87,000 per day in interest, which is $3,625 per hour. So, you know… it’s more now.

Anyway, he owes a ton of money just in the New York money crimes case.

And on Monday, that bill comes due.

Because he wants to appeal the ruling, but if he can’t convince an appeals court to let him post a smaller amount than what he owes, then on Monday it’s possible that New York’s AG Tish James may begin the process of seizing assets.

As has been pointed out by financial experts, his best bet is actually for him to file bankruptcy. But his addled brain thinks that’s worse than the Attorney General for New York putting a for sale sign on every brass plated item with the Trump name on it.

We’ll see what happens on Monday. Will he sell the chandeliers? Will his best friend Putin put up the money? Lots of options! We’ll talk about it more on Monday.

Meanwhile, because you know Trump – ABG – Always Be Griftin… the political action committee, Save America PAC has diverted funds so as to first pay as much as the law allows to Trump’s lawyers, before sending the rest to the RNC.

This came from an invitation to an event that will take place next month, where Trump will appear in person.

Remember when Trump was first elected and every awful thing he did, people would be like “this is not normal.” Because it’s important to remember that this dude is bad. This division of funds is not normal.

Just because something’s illegal, doesn’t make it okay.

And then finally, this is just funny… in their filing with the Supreme Court this week, in the case of “hey just let the president just do anything they want because if they’re worried about going to jail, they might not be the best president…”

The brief quoted Justice Kavanaugh: “A President who is concerned about an ongoing criminal investigation is almost inevitably going to do a worse job as President.”

Strong quote for them.

Probably should have read the whole thing before they included it though, because in that same article, he also said this: “The point is not to put the President above the law or to eliminate checks on the President, but simply to defer litigation and investigations until the President is out of office.”

Well the President is out of the office now. And if you’re going to quote one of the Justices hearing your case, you probably should make sure you know the context.

What a horrific, genuinely scary, totally embarrassing, joke of a person Trump is.

And that’s it. That’s the news.

Hey, because it’s Friday, here’s a fun reminder that this is now also a Substack. Hear me in your ears and then read my words with your eyes.

I’m proud of goofballs. And Goofball Island. And Amy Poehler. But more than… goofballs…. Because you’re a goofball and you know that’s a compliment… I’m proud of you.