03/29/24

Good morning! It’s Friday, March 29th.

Good Friday.

Good Friday? Hello, it’s Friday – it’s a GREAT Friday in my book.

And now, the news.

South African Bus Crash

-via NPR

Let’s start with the genuinely horrific news (sorry and also sorry about the “great Friday” comment right before this one…), that a bus in South Africa, carrying folks to an Easter festival, veered off the bridge it was on, falling more than 160 feet, and killed at least 45 people on board. The only survivor is an eight-year-old girl.

A search is ongoing for other victims.

Just… terrible

Sam Bankman-Fried

-via AP News

Okay, with that whoosh of a pallet cleanser… let’s talk about the news that Sam Bankman-Fried, the crypto entrepreneur who scammed hundreds of thousands of people out of money in service of a business that crumbled and left customers, investors, and lenders out over $11 billion (in total. Not each. $11 billion is a lot, but imagine if it was per person!), then went ahead and lied on the stand during his trial, has been sentenced to 25 years in prison.

Which is a long time. But significantly less than the 105 prosecutors pushed for.

Per the judge, the sentence is meant to reflect the risk that he “will be in position to do something very bad in the future.” And this is meant to “disabling him to the extent that can appropriately be done for a significant period of time.”

Hey, do you think he got into this because part of his last name is bank-man? Like, if he’d focused on the second part of his last name, would he be in prison because he tried to fry a bunch of stuff?

Or maybe the better joke is… Sam Bankman-Fried? More like Sam Bankman-Jailed!

Ohhhh… we have fun.

Articles of Impeachment Headed to the Senate

-via ABC News

The House announced on Thursday that they will send Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas’ articles of impeachment to the Senate on April 10th.

After which, Senators are expected to be sat and sworn on the 11th as the jury.

As a reminder, he has been impeached in the House. That never changes. The Senate, as jury, will now decide if he’ll keep his job or not.

And now we get to see what’ll happen first… a decision about the impeachment or a decision about whether Marjorie Taylor Greene, aka ew, will be able to bring a vote to oust Mike Johnson.

You know what sucks about the Mike Johnson thing? It’s like… who do you root for? Root for absolute weirdo Mike Johnson to keep is job or absolute troll Marjorie Taylor Greene to get her way?

Can they both just… lose?

Alex Murdaugh Lied

-via CNN

And hey, you won’t be surprised at all by this but Alex Murdaugh, whose name I don’t know how to say and truly don’t care enough to learn (I’ve heard it both ways) failed a lie detector, according to a court filing. The lie detector was part of his plea deal in for his financial crimes (not his murder crimes… he did multiple crimes. All bad. Some worse than others though, that’s for sure).

And because of that, the US Attorney’s Office for the District of South Carolina has asked the court to release the federal government from the conditions of the deal that allows him to serve his sentences for both crimes (money and literal murder of his wife and child) concurrently. If the government sides with the Attorney’s office, those sentences will be back to back instead.

Hey man… don’t lie. Don’t do murder. Don’t do money crimes. Don’t do lies.

And that’s it. That’s the news!

Slow news day! Finally!

Big news… there will be no news next week. No time! But don’t you worry friend, I will be back April 8th.

Have a great week. Have a great Easter if you’re so inclined. Just have a great everything.

I’m proud of… taking time off! But more than that… because you never take time off (from being great!)… I’m proud of you.