02/06/25

Good morning! It’s Thursday, February 6th.

National Frozen Yogurt Day.

Which is great, because it means I now get to quote The Good Place - “There’s something so human about taking something and ruining it a little so you can have more of it.”

And now, the news.

Ohio Shooting

-via CBS News

We start how we start here in America, with one person dead and five others injured after a warehouse employee opened fire in his workplace Tuesday night.

A motive is not yet known, and the employee has been taken into custody.

Update on Trump’s Plans for Gaza

-via Washington Post

There is an update on Trump’s plans to, in his words, “take over” Gaza.

Uh… there is no plan. No plans at all.

He just had a thought in his head and said it out loud, casually upending generations of tension in the region.

And among the many dangers of Trump’s presidency, of which there are many, this is a great example of one… because he just says whatever dumb thing that’s in his head because he’s never once had a consequence, he doesn’t understand that those things exist.

Now everyone’s trying to walk back the president’s remarks, with Missouri Senator Josh Hawley saying that Trump doesn’t want to put any troops into Gaza or spend money. But Hawley did not say that Trump had abandoned his proposal.

So now it sounds like he’s going to negotiate another Arab country taking in Palestinians in Gaza, in exchange for what would be treaties and deals that provide “hundreds of billions of dollars to the economy.”

The art of the deal?

Trump’s handle on Twitter is @realdonaldtrump because he couldn’t even negotiate getting his own name from the person who owns it!

But he’s going to be the first person, in the history of the world, to solve the crisis in the Middle East?

The delusion is really just… dangerous.

CIA Sends Unclassified Email

-via NY Times

On Wednesday, the CIA sent the White House an unclassified email with a list of all employees that had been hired in the last two years, in order to comply with Trump’s executive order to shrink the federal government intoooooo nothing.

The list included the impossible to break code of first names and the first initial of the last name of those new hires who are on probation and presumably easy to fire in a first round of cuts.

Former officials worry that the list could be passed onto the team of people working with Elon Musk’s fake new department, making them an easier target for adversaries like China and Russia. In normal times, the names of agents focusing specifically on China would be more closely guarded so that Chinese hackers can’t identify them.

But not here! Not these days!

Now they’re like… here’s a list. There’s a Kim Moffat on there and you’ll never guess WHICH Kim M she is.

Obviously officials in the Office of Personnel Management downplayed the security concerns with one former officer called a “counterintelligence disaster.”

Return to Office… If You Can Find One

-via AP News

In an emailed shared with the Associated Press, last week regional managers for the General Services Administration (aka GSA) were told to start giving the axe to the leases of all federal offices in the country – about 7,500.

Remember though, that those employees were also told that they have to return to the offices for work.

Or also they could quit.

So like… what…. Are we doing here…?

It’s possible that this has been ordered because Trump thinks enough people are going to take him up on his offer to just like quit their careers on the hopes that the administration will follow through on their promise of severance and therefore the offices won’t be needed.

But I think what’s more likely, and here me out here, is that they just don’t think???

Second Strain of Bird Flu

-via NY Times

On Wednesday, the US Department of Agriculture (which we still have, apparently… no one tell Trump!) announced that dairy cows in Nevada have been infected with a new kind of bird flu.

This suggests that the H5N1 virus may pose a risk to cows as well as the people who work closely with them. It was previously believed that a bird-to-cow movement was a rare event.

Bird to cow? What is this – yoga?

Just podcasting through the end of times here! Don’t mind me!

It was supposed to be announced in a news release from the Animal and Plant Health Inspection Service, but of course… federal agencies have not been able to have news briefings since we entered this new administration, which we’re only on week three of.

Let’s all just chill out until the guy with a brain worm comes in and tells us what to do.

Trump Bans Trans Athletes

-via CNN

On Wednesday, Donald Trump, who has hate in his heart and compassion for none, signed an executive order disgustingly, and erroneously, called “Keeping Men Out of Women’s Sports.”

Erroneously because this is meant to bans transathletes from competing in women’s sports. But transwomen ARE women. So…

At the signing, the president said: “With this executive order, the war on women’s sports is over.”

Okay well first of all, this wasn’t a war on women’s sports. However, if there is a war on women’s sports it’s that they’re not paid on the same level as the men, nor are they provided with the same training facilities or merch and airtime opportunities as the men. Even, or especially, when the women are objectively better. As is the case with soccer.

Anyway, research does not show transathletes have an advantage on the field. Though obviously antitrans legislation is dangerous and puts these athletes at risk for bullying, depression, and self-harm.

This order is so disgusting.

Imagine being such a hateful person that rise to the most powerful position in the country and then use your one wild and precious life to… target some of the most vulnerable people in the country.

Get help. Get therapy. Invent a time machine to go back and time and get a hug from your dad. I don’t care what you do but, to quote Crooked Media host Jon Lovitt – “leave trans kids alone you absolute freaks.”

Eggcellent Mystery

-via ABC News

I saved this story for second-to-last because, as evidenced by this episode… I clearly need some jokes.

Pennsylvania police are on the hunt for the yolkster who whisked it all and hatched a plan to steal 100,000 eggs, worth up to a brain scrambling $40,000.

That’s it. That’s the whole story. Just… a bunch of eggs got stolen.

Probably because they’re so expensive. And impossible to find.

Lol remember when 77 million people were like I’m willing to overlook the racism, because he promised to lower the price of eggs?

JKJK… I think the racism was part of the draw for people.

I am… so tired.

DC Church Wins

-via NBC News

Okay, here we go. Best story of the day. Of the week, actually.

A DC Superior Court granted a historic Black church in Washington DC control over the Proud Boys trademark, including name and symbols, after the alt-right group vandalized the church in December of 2020 at a pro-Trump rally.

The group defaulted on their $2.8 million judgement and so, to help the group recoup the amount, they now own the trademark.

The group can no longer sell any merch with its name or symbols on them without the church’s consent.

Consequences for actions!

Get it where you can, I guess.

And that’s it. That’s the news.

I’m proud of frozen yogurt. Whatever, I like it.

Little joys, you know? We gotta find little joys.

But more than that, because you are the biggest joy of all… I’m proud of you.