10/26/23

Good morning! It’s Thursday, October 26th.

National Pumpkin Day!

Because of Halloween coming up soon! Get your goards!

And now, the news.

New Speaker Has Been Chosen

-via New Republic, NY Times, and AP News

Big news! The House has a new Speaker!

Bummer news! It’s Michael Johnson.

“Hey Kim, who is Michael Johnson?” Sick burn on Michael – no one knew who you were before today. But after today… oh pal, do we ever know who he is.

So who is the person that the Republicans decided should be the leader of their party in the House?

Well first of all, he prefers the name Mike. But once you learn all about him, you may also, like me, not really care that I’m not using his favorite name.

Michael represents Louisiana’s 4th Congressional district, and has since he was elected in 2016.

He supports a federal abortion ban because, and once specifically said that Roe ruined the economy because If we had all those able-bodied workers in the economy, we wouldn’t be going upside down and toppling over like this,” He’s also in favor of overturning same-sex marriages and believes in conversation therapy.

He doesn’t believe in climate change, but he does believe in Trump. So much so that in BOTH of Trump’s impeachment hearings, because remember he was twice impeached, Michael served on Trump’s legal council in the Senate.

He’s against being against bullying! He is FOR bullying!

And as for his job preparedness… he’s never even chaired a House committee and that, combined with his whole seven years in the House, makes him the least experienced person to ever be Speaker.

And that is who the Republicans could finally agree on.

Great job everyone!

Another neat thing is that he was, per the NY Times, the most important architect of the Electoral College objections.

He is abhorrent and an insurrectionist and a complete bummer of a Speaker.

But on the other hand, he seems to be cool with bullying. With is great. Because here, in this house, we bully the bullies. So prepare to be bullied, Michael!

Hurricane Otis

-via CNN

In what’s being called a “nightmare scenario,” Hurricane Otis has knocked out all communications in Acapulco, Mexico. In just 12 hours, it went from a tropical storm to a Category 5 hurricane, smashing onto the shores as the areas strongest storm on record.

The storm is now headed inland, and expected to dissipate overnight.

Without any communication available, there’s literally no way to know what the damage has been done to Acapulco or the 800,000 people that live there.

Trump Crime Update Time

-via CNN (Fulton County), ABC News (Mark Meadows) and, NBC News & NY Times (NY Money Crimes)

And of course

Trump Crime Update Time

(This guy does so many crimes, edition)

Let’s start with money crimes – as a reminder, Trump’s civil New York “hey maybe square footage can just change sometimes” case is happening right now and he’s already in big trouble mister for attacking the judge’s clerk. So he had a gag order against him.

On Wednesday, he was briefly put on the stand in New York after the judge accused him of breaking that order for comments that the judge believed were levied against the clerk once again. Because Trump said the person sitting next to the judge was very partisan.

But on the stand, Trump said no – actually he wasn’t bullying the clerk. He was bullying Michael Cohen.

Which is such a wild defense!

But then, because he is medically unable to stop himself, he added that the clerk was, “maybe unfair, and I think she’s very biased against me.”

Dude! Seriously! Eh, no actually whatever. Keep running your mouth.

He was then fined $10,000.

But then! After that, he stormed out of the court room, surprising even the secret service who had to chase after him. That’s such a funny image to me. Funnier still is that NBC News described them as “scurrying” after Trump.

What a dangerously unserious person he is. How did he get away with so many crimes for so long?

And speaking of him being dangerous (because remember that, not only did he do money crimes, he also did election stealing crimes and that is very dangerous. People died.)

CNN is exclusively reporting that Georgia’s Fulton County DA Fani Willis has discussed at least six more plea deals with co-defendants in that case.

Lawyer Robert Cheeley says he was offered a deal and turned it down (which feels like a very dumb move but whatever).

Former elections supervisor Misty Hampton and former Trump campaign official Mike Roman have also been in touch with the DAs office about a possible deal.

Plus, three more people that have not yet been named.

Marky Meads is almost certainly one of those three, as news broke on Tuesday that he struck a deal with Jack Smith, aka Coach Beard, a while ago for immunity in the federal election stealing crimes case, and has since spoken with Coach Beard at least three times this year, including once in front of a federal grand jury.

Sources say Meadows told Beard that he told Trump multiple times that he’d lost the election. "Obviously we didn't win."

I’m looking forward to hearing Trump say he’s never met Marky Meads in his life, when he previously said he was a "special friend" and "a great chief of staff -- as good as it gets."

And that’s it. That’s the news.

This Michael Johnson thing… I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again a million times until it happens… we have to win the House back next year.

I’m proud of… Rebecca Welton, as I am legally obligated to remind you, whenever I mention Coach Beard. She just really grew as a character, ya know. What a boss.

I’m also proud of pumpkins. They look great and taste great. How fun.

But more than that… because you always look great, I’m proud of you.