04/25/23

Good morning! It’s Tuesday, April 25th. You ready for this one? National Hug a Plumber Day.

Listen… appreciate a plumber? Sure! Hug a plumber? Like… a stranger? No! And not just plumbers. Nothing wrong with plumbers. But we’re not hugging strangers anymore, okay. Why did we ever?

And now, the news.

North Dakota Signs Anti-Abortion Law

-via AP News

So we’re gonna do the bad stories first, but we’re ending with a fun jaunt of a story, so stick with me.

First, North Dakota, where Governor Burgum has signed a 6-week ban on abortions in the state… even in cases of rape or incest.

The law is meant to take effect immediately, however last month’s state Supreme Court ruling over a state abortion ban means that this ban will be blocked while a suit over constitutionality goes on.

In other words… yeah, it’s confusing. That’s part of the deal here. If they can’t outright force birth, they’re going to at least confuse people into being forced.

Breonna Taylor’s Killer Gets Hired at Nearby County

-via NPR

Myles Cosgrove – the former Louisville police officer who killed Breonna Taylor while she slept in her bed… has been hired as a police officer at a nearby county.

Just about an hour away.

He was one of seven officers that were involved in the raid that ended Breonna Taylor’s life, and an FBI ballistics report showed that, out of the 32 shots that were fired in the apartment after a no-knock warrant startled Taylor and her boyfriend, who fired one shot off legal firearm. Half of those shots came from Cosgrove. The bullet that killed Taylor came from Cosgrove’s gun.

His termination letter in 2021, where he was fired for not wearing a body camera during a raid, as well as violating department procedures on the use of deadly force by failing to properly identify a threat, said, "The shots you fired went in three different directions, indicating you did not verify a threat or have target acquisition. In other words, the evidence shows that you fired wildly at unidentified subjects or targets located within the apartment."

Breonna Taylor was 26 years old and, in the middle of a deadly pandemic, she was working as an ER tech. She killed while she slept.

She was killed at the hands of Myles Cosgrove, because he made bad choices and just fired his gun randomly.

And now he get to keep being a cop.

We need a new system.

Trump Crime Update Time

-via CNBC

Alright, just a lil

TRUMP CRIME UPDATE TIME

For ya

Atlanta DA Fani Willis says she has plans to announce potential charges regarding the time that Trump, who factually lost the 2020 election, which shouldn’t be too much of a surprise because I don’t know what the opposite of a Midas touch is but that’s what that dude’s got. Everything he touches turns… not good. Not good at all… but then he was like – hey! If I lose this election, I might have to turn inward and really think about the world and my place in it, and that’s the last thing I want to do. So let me just called the Georgia Secretary of State and ask Brad to just… FIND the votes needed to put Georgia in my win column. It won’t change the overall outcome but it would help. Well as much as anything helps.

Do you… remember that?

This is, of course, the investigation into the many many ways in which Trump and others tried to mess with the Georgia election results.

On Monday, DA Willis said that she will announce any charges during the Fulton County Superior Court’s fourth term, so sometime between July 11 and Sept. 1. She also expressed to law enforcement “the need for heightened security and preparedness in coming months due to this pending announcement.”

So… we’ll see!

Carlson and Lemon Out

-Carlson via NPR

-Lemon via NY Times

And finally, and I do mean finally… Tucker Carlson and Don Lemon… have been fired.

Don Lemon was fired because, while doing morning show work at CNN, he just casually pontificated about at which what age a woman is past her prime. And I don’t know if you’ve seen the video but it… really something. Because it’s a dumb thought, but that dumb thought entered his head, and then he said it. And then everyone was like – WHOA! Hey friend, maybe uh… don’t do that. And then he was like – ladies. Ladies ladies… shhh. Let me continue talking, at length, about this.

And the funniest thing about this, is that he says no one told him directly. Which can’t possibly be true and certainly don’t make him look, ya know… better.

Tucker Carlson, on the other hand… well he got fired because he’s Tucker Carlson. A dangerous dinkus who hates Donald Trump but bent over backwards to lie about the 2020 election and even just a couple weeks ago he had to sit and do an interview with Trump, and pretend like he likes him.

Punishment enough, but not for him. Not in my eyes! No, after years of racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic lies… of him carrying the water for Putin and Trump and every other autocrat you can name… after his heinous bowties and perpetually shocked face… we love to see him go.

And you know what’s nice? He didn’t even get a final episode.

Will he get picked up somewhere else? Sure. But Fox News stands apart, and he will not find an audience like he has here. And that’s lovely. And honestly, great for the country.

A lawsuit in the Southern District of New York, alleging that his show's workplace was chock full of sex discrimination and harassment, will continue.

Oh Tucker. Tucker Tucker Tucker… may your irrelevance between now, and may it be endless.

And that’s it. That’s the news.

My mom said I should end it by saying more than Fox News, but then we both agreed that wasn’t saying much. The bar was low, but still… more than all the TV networks, which is really saying something because there are a million networks these days… I’m proud of you.