04/26/23
Good morning! It’s Wednesday, April 26th.
National Pretzel Day! And since this is, obviously, a fake holiday that I will celebrate big time, I’m going to toss a caveat here.
National Soft Pretzel Day. It’s the only way. A soft pretzel and some mustard? Don’t mind if I do!
And now, the news.
Biden Announces Re-Election Campaign
-via AP News
Friends… he’s running.
Touting his more than 50 years of experience, the last Joe Biden formally announced his bid for re-election.
While both Biden and Trump do have primary competitors, they are, currently, the likely nominees.
Is it too soon to whisper 2016?
Look… here’s the thing. Is this ideal? No! Of course not! But you know… here’s where we are.
Proud Boys Pass the Blame to Trump
-via Politico
And in a related story… well, not related but like… hey! I know you might be bummed about Biden but we’re gonna support him full-stop and with everything we have because literally lives and democracy are on the line…
Enrique Tarrio, the former Proud Boys national chair,’s lawyer told jurors on Tuesday that the real culprit of the January 6th attack on our capitol with Donald Trump.
Now, obviously Tarrio gets negative five billion points for infinity, for being a white supremacist. But I’m glad that Trump is also getting some screentime in this court case. As they are both repugnant and, in their own special little disgusting ways, a part of all of this.
Anyway, here’s hoping we can get a quick verdict here. Part of his punishment, and same for all of these yahoos, is that they should never be able to be on social media or message boards ever again. No Tokin’ Tiks. No YouTubing. No supremely lame Truth Socials. No more of any of the platforms that very clearly radicalize.
Lemon & Tucker Update (But Also – Who Cares?)
-via NY Times
In news that I think is funny, but also… who cares? Your irrelevance began on Tuesday… Tucker Carlson and Don Lemon have hired the same lawyer to handle their firings.
I don’t really care about this and, good news, don’t need to! Again… their irrelevance began on Tuesday. Of course, they got lawyers. But I just think it’s funny that they have the same lawyer. Like… they got fired on the same day. They got the same lawyer. This is a romcom I’m never gonna watch in the making.
The point of this story, to be honest, is just to remind you that they got fired and it was fun.
Suicide Bomber Killed
-via AP News
The Taliban have killed the senior Islamic State group leader that was behind the 2021 Kabul airport suicide bombing that killed 170 Afghans and 13 US service members.
He was likely killed in early April, during a series of ops against the Islamic State group, but the Taliban was not aware at that time of who it was they’d killed.
Over the weekend, the US military began to let the families of the service members who were killed know that the leader had been killed.
This information comes from the families and the AP confirmed it with three US officials and a senior congressional aide. All of which to say – details have not been made public yet, including the name of the IS leader behind the bombing.
Harry Belafonte
-via NY Times
And some sad news to end with. Harry Belafonte, the barrier-breaking singer, actor, and activist, has died.
Belafonte began his career in the 50s, as a pop-folk singer. His popularity brought him movie opportunities, where he became the first Black actor to achieve major Hollywood success as a leading man (followed by Sidney Poitier). His real focus was civil rights, and after befriending Martin Luther King Jr, he put up the majority of the seed money that started SNCC – the Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee.
A powerhouse on fronts.
He was 96.
And that’s it. That’s the news.
I’m proud of… pretzels. But like.. not too salty. Also not too big. We’re making em too big at the bars. We gotta pull that back.
But more than that. More than a cheddar jalapeno pretzel from Disneyland, which is scientifically proven to be the best pretzel ever… because you are scientifically proven to be the exact right amount of salty… I’m proud of you.