06/12/23 - Trump Crime Update Time

Good morning! It’s Monday, June 12th. Pulse Night of Remembrance.

On this day in 2016, 49 people were killed and 53 others were injured when a man entered Pulse, a gay nightclub in Florida, and opened fired.

Just over two years later, Ron DeSantis was elected governor and, although at the time of the attack, it was the deadliest shooting in the country’s history, as well as the deadliest terrorist attack since 9/11 – Ron DeSantis has made hate, specifically aimed at the LGBTQ+ community, the backbone of his governorship and presidential campaign.

So that’s just a story about how we have too many guns in this country, and too many Ron DeSantis’ in office.

A permanent memorial site, established by the onePulse foundation, is still being planned. There is, however, an interim memorial in Orlando.

And now, the news.

Trump Crime Update Time

-AP News // Politico // Billboard // Time

Hey, I didn’t do the news last week… did anything happen?

Just kidding – EVERYTHING HAPPENED. I’m sorry, I will never leave you again. So much news in fact, that there will be two episodes of the show being released today. So if you’re hearing this, make sure you subscribe to this show and check your feed, because there should be another episode in it.

That episode will cover the baker’s dozen worth of headlines that came out while I was trying to do other stuff. This episode, however, has one topic. That’s right, it’s…

Trump Crime Update Time!

(Indictment number 2, edition)

Hey! Remember that time that the majority of the country was like – Trump? No thanks! And voted for Joe Biden. And then, even though he committed other crimes in the meantime, eventually, thankfully, Trump did leave office. But only just barely. And right before he did, he called dibs on a bunch of confidential documents, even though he definitely didn’t read them while he was in office, and so no one actually believes he was reading them after he left office?

Turns out… there’s a lot more to this story.

That’s right friends. We’re talking The Documents Crimes Case! And after almost a year of talking Documents Crimes Case, we’re talking the Documents Crimes Case INDICTMENT!

That’s right! Former President Trump, the one-time electoral college winner but two time popular vote loser, who was twice impeached, can also add a new historical record to his out-of-style trucker hat – because he is the first former president to also be twice indicted.

Okay, so let’s back up. A quick referesher on how we got here, and then we need to get into the indictment because if you, unlike me, have a life, you probably didn’t read the 49 page indictment that laid out his 31 counts of willfull retention of confidential materials.

And normally I’d be like – yeah, that makes sense.

But not this time. No, no. This time, I kind of highly recommend. It’s funny! And scary! He’s terrible!

Okay, quick refresher:

Trump took home a bunch of documents after he left office and we kind of had no idea except that, in May of 2021, the National Archives asked him for their stuff back, seeing as how they weren’t his anymore, and he was like – eh. Just tell them I’m not home. And then the National Archives continued to say, “hey we still need that stuff” and he continued to be like, “hey! I told you – I’m busy!” And then finally, on January 17th, 2022 he was like – “Here! Here’s 15 boxes that I don’t care about. You can have them back.”

Except that wasn’t everything, so on August 8th, 2022 the FBI searched Mar-a-Lago and found 102 classified documents. Which is when most of us were like – whoa! Yikes, Bikes, Sykes… that sure is a lot of classified documents just hanging around a golf club. And since then, but actually since Feb 9th, Coach Beard, aka the Department of Justice’s Jack Smith, has been working to get to the bottom of what happened AND how can we be sure that we get all the documents back.

Then, on June 8th, the indictment came down. And it’s… listen, it’s serious. This is a breach of security and I’ll get into some of it in a second but it’s very serious. But also… as indictments go – it’s also funny. Because Trump is, you know, say what you want – he’s racist. He’s sexist. He’s homophobic. He’s transphobic. He’s xenophobic. He’s anti-everyone except for him and I don’t mean “everyone except white men,” though he does uplift white men to just so he can make himself taller, I mean he literally hates everyone except himself. Though I also do think he hates himself, if he had the ability to understand emotion.

But here’s the thing… he’s all of that. But and this cannot be overlooked, he’s also… a giant loser.

And not just because he loses elections and is terrible and business and couldn’t even successfully sell steaks (and I get to make fun of his terrible salesmanship because I sold both shoe and DVD-rental insurance. And guess what? I was great at both.) I’m saying, personality-wise… dude is a loser.

I say that confidently because here’s just a sneak peek of the indictment:102

So first of all, after moving the boxes into Mar a Lago, they were staged in one of the ballrooms, on a stage. Then from the ballroom to a business center. Then, some of them went into a bathroom. Why is that interesting? Because the bathroom is heinous. Like, take what you think a Mar a Lago bathroom would look like, then make it tackier. There’s a chandelier in there! Why? He then later had some send to his summer home in Bedminster.

So now we’re into July 2021, and boxes are kind of… all over the place as in all over Mar a Lago, and also as in, in two different states.

And it’s at this time that, while being interviewed by a writer in Bedminster, he shows the writer a military plan of attack, and says, “as president I could have declassified it. ... Now I can’t, you know, but this is still a secret.” But – he still showed the writer the plan.

He also later showed a classified foreign military operation map to a PAC representative. Apparently, in that instance, Trump told the person that he shouldn’t be showing anyone the map and that the person shouldn’t get too close.

Now, here’s something… though he is not named in the indictment, there is thought that the person who he showed that map to is… are you ready for this? Kid Rock!

Because in an interview with Tucker Carlson (imagine being like – oh, I can’t make dinner tonight, I gotta watch this Tucker Carlson and Kid Rock interview!), Kid Rock recalled a time where, at his Bedminster home, Trump showed him some maps! "We're looking at maps and (stuff). I'm like, you know, I'm like, 'Am I supposed to be like, in on this (stuff)?'" …he didn’t say “stuff”

Then, in that same conversation, Trump asked what he thinks he should do about North Korea.

And isn’t that something to think about… that Trump asked Kid Rock what to do about North Korea.

Chilling.

Anyway, Trump is not the only one named in the indictment. The other person is his bodyman Walt Nauta. In early December, he opened a door and found a bunch of documents were all over the ground. He texted an unnamed Trump employee with a picture of the documents all over. To which, that employee texted “oh no oh no” – which is very funny to me.

Also, prior to the FBI coming over, but definitely after they started asking for them, Trump told his lawyers, “Wouldn’t it be better if we just told them we don’t have anything here?” and ”isn’t it better if there are no documents?”

Additionally, after that comment, he asked his lawyers, who had searched the grounds for documents asked if could just (pluck) bad things out. And that (pluck) is the best I can do in an audio medium, but he made a hand gesture saying they should pluck the bad things out.

And that leads us to back to last week, where Trump was indicted for the second time, and released a video of him saying he’s innocent over and over again.

He has been summoned to appear in Miami tomorrow.

And that’s it. That’s this episode of the news.

As I mentioned, there is another episode of the news, also out now, with all the rest of the stories that came out while I was taking a week off.

I’m proud of… Coach Beard! He worked hard and locked in a solid case against someone that poses a genuine national security threat. Great job!

But more than that… because you also would, given the chance, probably just as great as the job – given, you know, the years of training and experience and beard-growing it takes… I’m proud of you.