05/16/24

Good morning! It’s Thursday, May 16th.

National Mimosa Day.

So get yourself to the store, pick up some orange juice, put it back on the shelf, and the pour yourself some champagne. Because everyone knows the best mimosa is champagne with just the thought of orange juice.

And now, the news.

Slovakia’s Prime Minister Shot

-via AP News

We start with the shocking news that, while greeting supporters at an event, Slovakia’s populist prime minister, Robert Fico, was shot multiple times in an assassination attempt.

As of this recording, he is still in surgery, alive but in serious condition.

A suspect is in custody.

The shooting comes three weeks before a Europe-wide election for the Parliament, where opponents worry that Fico may add to his 27-member bloc.

SCOTUS Allows Louisiana Maps to Go Forward

-via CBS News

Here in the states, the Supreme Court said on Wednesday that it will let Louisiana use a new congressional map that includes a second majority Black district in the state.

Now, they’re not saying that this map gets to stick around until the next census, but the high court granted two separate requests and put on hold a decision from a three-judge federal district court panel that blocked the state from using the new map.

The district lines were drawn, and approved, by the state’s GOP-led legislature in January, after federal courts rejected a first draft of a map adopted in March 2022 that violated Section 2 of the Voting Rights Act.

As a reminder, Section Two says: “No voting qualification or prerequisite to voting or standard, practice, or procedure shall be imposed or applied by any State or political subdivision in a manner which results in a denial or abridgement of the right of any citizen of the United States to vote on account of race or color, or in contravention of the guarantees set forth in section 10303(f)(2) of this title, as provided in subsection (b).”

One-third of Louisiana’s population is Black. And yet, out of the six congressional districts, only one was a majority Black district and the rest were majority white? Come on.

Anyway, these maps will stand for this election but expect this one isn’t done yet.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – the process with which we draw maps is absurd.

Missouri Filibuster

-via KCUR

Hey, here’s something not making enough news… In Missouri, nine state Senate democrats are making history by holding the longest filibuster in state history.

And what are they filibustering? GOP-led legislation that would make it tougher for Missourians to change the constitution through the initiative petition process. Initiative petition process means that, before it can even get to the ballot, you have to collect the signatures of 8% of voters in six of the state’s eight congressional districts. Which is hard enough. Then, it just needs to get the most votes statewide. Feels pretty basic and frankly, not that easy. Because it requires getting enough signatures on the ballot, then telling people about the amendment, and then getting people to agree to vote on it.

However, now what the GOP would like to have happen is for constitutional amendments that get on the ballot through the initiative petition process to pass by both a simple majority of votes statewide and a majority of votes in at least a majority of Missouri’s congressional districts.

Now, this is where the GOP gets all creative with their math and words because what they’ll say is “hey, it’s gotta be a majority. We’re talking about the constitution. We’re just trying to make sure it represents the whole state.”

But an analysis by the Missouri Independent found that, under the Republicans proposal, as few as 23% of voters could defeat a ballot measure.

They really will do anything they can to keep their itty bitty and ever shrinking power, and that means it’s going to take some really dedicated people to help keep the power where it should be – with the voters.

The session ends at 6PM on Friday.

Now We Know Harrison Butker Exists

-via ABC News

It’s college graduation season, which means it’s commencement speech time and well…

Up until Wednesday morning, I didn’t know who Harrison Butker was. And that’s fine. I lived a fine life without knowing this dumdum existed. I fear that time is over now, and while that’s too bad for me, it’s really just too bad for… us all, I’d guess.

Harrison is a football player. A kicker for the Chiefs (again, new information to me). He makes millions of dollars to play for like six seconds a game. For some reason, this was enough for him to be asked to give the commencement address for Benedictine College and this guy used his one wild and precious life to refer to Pride month as a deadly sin, telling graduated that he wants them to prevent political leaders from interfering with social issues that impact the church, and really fixed his mouth to say he was going to directly speak to the women in the group and told them, on the day of their college graduation, that they will only truly be fulfilled once they are married and have a kid.

BTW, his mom is a physicist.

He also said men should: “Be unapologetic in your masculinity, fighting against the culture of the emasculation of men.” Dude, there is literally a conversation all around the internet about whether people would want to be in the woods with a bear or a man, and almost everyone is choosing the bear… trust me, not enough of you are apologizing for your masculinity.

By the way, he also referenced Taylor Swift in his dumb speech, quoting one of her songs and referring to her as “my teammate’s girlfriend.”

I want to dunk on this guy so hard, but I think the Swifties are going to take care of it for all of us.

Go kick your little ball for a living and please no more of the talkie talkie from you.

Imagine how many filters this speech went through, before it ended up on some papers on a podium and words coming out his mouth. I’m not talking about other people reading this speech, I’m saying for him - he had to run it through a bunch of mental processes before he still decided… yeah no, I’m gonna need to say these things.

Imagine using your privilege to say the dumb combination of words he just had to say.

Anyway, I wish him zero of the luck as the internet now offers take after take about what an absolute baffoon this guy is.

Because the First Amendment says you get to say your dumb thoughts, but it does not say you can’t be bullied for them.

Mitt Romney… For Some Reason

-via NBC News

And in more “why are men” news…

In an interview with MSNBC’s Stephanie Rhule, Mitt Romney rightfully criticized Republicans for making their pilgrimages to Trump’s trial, saying: “I think it’s a terrible fault for our country to see people attacking our legal system — that’s an enormous mistake. I think it’s also demeaning for people to quite apparently try and run for vice president by donning a red tie and standing outside the courthouse. It's just — I'd have felt awkward.”

He's right, if these Republicans had the ability to feel, they’d feel awkward. Though I have a feeling if someone whispered the words “potential VP candidate” onto a leaf, let it go in the wind, and prayed that leaf would make its way to Utah, Mitt Romney would put that leaf in his pocket as he booked the first flight to New York. So… I mean… everything he does is awkward. He’d power through.

Why am I being rude to Mitt Romney?

First of all, I don’t make fun of your hobbies!

Second of all, because later in the interview Romney said Biden should have pardoned Trump!

"He should have fought like crazy to keep this prosecution from going forward.”

No!

Donald Trump committed crimes! Over and over and over… we live in a different time than Ford pardoning Nixon! And by the by, had Ford not pardoned Nixon, who knows where we would be today. Because actions have consequences!

“I do. ... You may disagree with this, but had I been President Biden, when the Justice Department brought on indictments, I would have immediately pardoned him. I'd have pardoned President Trump. Why? Well, because it makes me, President Biden, the big guy and the person I pardoned a little guy.”

What are we even doing? Why are you… why are men? Why?

President Biden doesn’t have to pardon Trump for any of the litany of crimes he has done to be the bigger person. All he has to do is not insurrection and then, boomtown – bigger person.

This is the literal presidency! Of the country! I’m the big guy and I pardoned the little guy. Go away Mitt Romney!

Also! I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t be giving him so much airtime but this is insanity. Literal insanity. But like he is in most things, this goes to show how removed from reality he is. Because all that pardoning Trump would do is allow him to run around saying he didn’t commit a crime and the proof is in the pardon.

Mitt Romney lives in a different generation of politics and I’m sure it’s so lovely there, but we don’t live there anymore. And I know it’s a bummer but hey, for a lot of people, there has never been a generation of politics built to specifically serve them. So come back to reality, try and spend the last few months of your time in politics being of service, and then please go away. Go live a lovely life on your ranch, and never speak of politics again. You get to vote, and that’s it!

No more MSNBC for you!

And that’s it. That’s the news.

Between Mitt Romney and whatever that football players name is (I honestly don’t remember now that I’m done with the story), I’m heated!

Hey, I’m proud of mimosas.

It’s also National Notebook Day and I’d love to make a joke about what a nerd you’d have to be to have a favorite notebook, but I am that nerd… and it’s moleskin cashier notebooks, unlined. To me, they are perfect.

But more than that, because to me, you are more perfect… I’m proud of you.