08/21/24

Good morning! It’s Wednesday, August 21st.

Internet Self-Care Day

Because there’s no better place for self-care than the internet. Everyone knows that!

And now, the news.

Maine Shooter Signs

-via NBC News

Let’s start with an update on how we start here in America, as an independent commission on Tuesday said that local law enforcement, as well as the US military, had missed what they say are “several opportunities” that could have prevented Maine’s October 25th shooting that resulted in the death of 18 people at a bar and bowling alley.

Those lapses included:

A welfare check that had "sufficient probable cause" to take him into protective custody.

The leaders of the shooter’s Army Reserve unit ignoring strong recommendations from mental health providers to stay engaged with his care and make sure weapons were removed from his home. They also didn’t share everything they knew about past threats with law enforcement.

The company commander could have, but did not, store his personal firearms or check in after he was placed in a psych unit last summer after getting into a physical altercation with another Army reservist while at an Army training at West Point.

And finally, the medical staff at Keller Army Community Hospital in West Point did not file a so-called SAFE Act notice, which is used to alert when someone may be a danger to themselves or others.

While ultimately the report showed that the shooter was responsible for his own actions, a report like this is meant to help prevent this from happening again.

Meanwhile, lawyers for some of the families have complained about not knowing who exactly should be held accountable. So expect some lawsuits to come from this report.

Mpox in Argentina

-via CNN

Hey, here’s a headline that took me all the way back to March of 2020 (you know, that month we all tried to avoid thinking about)…

A cargo ship in Argentina is being quarantined in waters after a crew member showed signs of mpox. It’s not currently known how many people are on the ship.

So uh… not much more is known about that but it’s not… you know… no one’s like hey, remember the good times of late-March 2020?

Hammerhead Worms

-via AP News

Hey, did you know there are hammerhead worms?

They’re new.

Wait – did you know there are new worms?? I did not know we were making new worms. I don’t really know that we need to, if I’m being honest.

Anyway – new worms. This one’s got a hammerhead and is deadly to earthworms, as well as being toxic and hard to kill.

Oh also it’s flat.

A new toxic, hard to kill, flat, hammerhead worm.

Oh and also, while it’s normally 2-3 inches, it can grow up to 15” and is covered in the same toxin as a pufferfish. And they reproduce by leaving part of their booties on plants and in ten days that butt has a head. In other words – if you kill it by chopping it up… all you’ve done is reproduced more of these things.

Instead you should pour salt and vinegar on them.

And this has been Worm News.

I hated it.

McCarthy vs Gaetz

-via CBS News

The two worst people at a party are fighting.

Last night was Florida’s primary and Matt Gaetz was up against a primary challenger that Kevin McCarthy, who hates Gaetz in ways that we will never understand because who on earth would like to better understand either of their minds, funded.

That’s right.

That’s how much Kevin McCarthy hates Matt Gaetz. Kevin McCarthy, who is from California and isn’t even involved in politics anymore because he lost his job in a historically embarrassing fashion, paid money to help Gaetz’ challenger.

Tragically, it didn’t work and Gaetz will keep his seat.

RFK Jr. to Drop Out?

-via ABC News

And finally – RFK Jr. is expected to drop his bid for the presidency and endorse Trump.

This all comes from his running mate who also said that dropping out and endorsing Trump would "require a significant commitment by Trump to give Bobby true authority to execute."

How many more brainworms will he offer to eat, for Trump to make him whatever promises he needs in order to make the commitment? How many more brainworms will Trump commit to?

RFJ Jr is an all-brainworm negotiation. So that’s really what it all comes down to.

Oh no! RFJ Jr! Whatever will we do without you in the race?

I guess continue running as we have been… which is well. And not with Rosanne Barr in our kitchens hearing shocking stories about the time you had a dead bear cub in your car for, frankly, too long of a time.

And that’s it. That’s the news.

The DNC continues tonight. Last night had speeches. Tonight will have speeches. Good stuff.

(Look, it looks so genuinely fun and I am paying attention to it but it’s not necessary news nor do I have time to watch and then record after.)

But hey – if you’re looking to hear smart people talking. Or, rather, hear me talk to a smart person… a new episode of Kim Moffat is a Fan is out and I interviewed Kate Shaw, one of the hosts of Strict SCruteny. We talked about the Supreme Court! We fixed it!

I’m proud of… us. For fixing the Supreme Court. Turns out we just had to turn it off and turn it back on again.

Also, people who get self-care in other places than the internet.

But more than that, more than common sense, because you have common and Uncommon sense… I’m proud of you.