08/26/24

Good morning! It’s Monday, August 26th.

National Dog Day!

In the middle of summer.

Talk about your dog days of summer…

And now, the news.

Israel and Lebanon

-via AP News

Let’s start in the Middle East as, over the weekend, Israel and Hezbollah, a militant group that controls Lebanon’s most powerful armed forces, each launched heavy strikes and counterstrikes on Sunday.

The day started with Israel launching about 100 warplanes that targeted rocket launchers in Lebanon to prevent what Israel says was an imminent attack from Hezbollah.  

As a reminder, Hamas and Hezbollah are both backed by Iran. They are not the same group, but they do support each other. So that’s what they’re doing in the mix here.

As you know, the whole point of this show is to tell you about the news but not scare you. We should be educated but not scared.

What happened on Sunday is… not great!

Unideal.

Things are tense in the Middle East.

However, it’s not immediately clear what happens next. Thanks to a lack of civilian casualties and pretty even firepower, it’s very possible both sides can go home and claim a victory in the exchange. And if that happens, no one say anything! Just be like good for you and change the subject real fast.

We’re like one hurt feeling away from an all-out war.

Anyway, that’s where things stand right now.

There are a lot of conversations about what a war would look like between these two groups but, to be honest, I don’t know that I want to get into all that right now. Again – we should be educated but not scared.

For now, we’ll just hope for cooler heads.

German Stabbings

-­via NY Times

In Germany on Friday, three people were killed and eight others were injured, five severely, at a music festival. A wide search resulted in the arrest of three people, including the suspect who authorities believe did the stabbings.

The suspect, only known as Issa Al H. because of Germany’s strict privacy rules, is believed to have joined the Islamic State. However, he is currently only suspected of murder and attempted murder.

Among the other arrested is a 15-year-old boy who police say did not alert police about suspects plan as soon as he knew it.

Baseball Fun

-via NPR

Here’s a fun baseball story – On June 26th, the Red Sox/Blue Jays game was suspended because of rain. It’s been rescheduled for today.

On June 26th, Danny Jansen was a catcher for the Jays. But a month later he was traded to the Sox. And so today he will be catching for the Sox, making him the first major league player to play for both teams in a single game.

The Jays will have a pinch hitter in his place.

How fun! Sports is so fun!

Election 2024

-via

And of course, we’ve got some election news.

First, as promised – RFK Jr did drop out of the race and put his support behind Trump. Shocking.

In his speech, he mentioned that Kamala Harris never even returned his calls and that checks out to me because she is going to be a great president and not returning his calls shows that she has something Trump just doesn’t… healthy decision-making skills.

But let you worry that we’ve heard the last of that weirdo. Sadly, no. Because an old interview from one of his kids has resurfaced and in it, forgive me… she talks about the time he used a chainsaw to cut the head off of a dead whale carcass that washed up on the shores of their Massachusetts house. Then he then drove back to their New York house with the what’s head on the roof.

Here's an actual quote:

“Every time we accelerated on the highway, whale juice would pour into the windows of the car, and it was the rankest thing on the planet. We all had plastic bags over our heads with mouth holes cut out, and people on the highway were giving us the finger, but that was just normal day-to-day stuff for us.”

First of all… how many dead animals have been on or in his car? Second, it’s like the most basic thing in the world – you don’t put your head in a plastic bag.

Oh, you had mouth holes? Oh good! You’re okay then! That’ll help!

How many brain worms are in there?

And then what? You get the whale head to the house, and then what?!

Trump said we should ingest bleach (and it was honestly the most mild of things he’s ever said), JD Vance has had to go on the offense to tell people he didn’t have sex with his couch, and RFK Jr has traveled long distances with multiple dead animals for questionable reasons…

I wouldn’t trust them to be the person who hands me bags at self-checkout because, once again, I forgot the reusable bags in the car. Who on earth is trusting them with a whole country?

Luckily we don’t need to worry about that because Kamala Harris is officially our democratic nominee and she’s going to win and it’s going to be great.

How do I know she’s going to win? Well first of all, because for all my jokes and whimsy… I have mastered all of science, politically speaking, and so I feel confident.

But more than that… people thought the surprise guest at the DNC was going to be Beyonce. That means people waited all night, on night four, for Beyonce. And then she just wasn’t there. And people made jokes, but no one was that upset. Because Kamala Harris was still there. And gave an incredible speech.

She is going to win.

That doesn’t mean we don’t have to work hard for it. 71 days. Let’s get it done.   

Astronauts Stuck in Space

-via ABC News

On Saturday, NASA announced that astronauts Barry "Butch" Wilmore and Sunita "Suni" Williams will come home in February on a different spacecraft than the one they are currently in.

They launched into space on June 5th (second coolest thing to happen on June 5th. The first? Donuts on the beach for my birthday), and were supposed to come home on June 14th. However, due to a risk with the vehicle’s thrusters (do you love how I said it like I know what on earth that is?), they are going to come home in February on the Space-X crew 9.

Honestly, if it’s between staying in space and going home on something related to Elon Musk…. I mean, I’ve seen Gravity. I honestly like my changes Sandra Bullick-ing it more than risking it with an Elon Musk thing (or hearing him being so annoying if it works)

Anyway, while they’re up there, NASA says they will do science experiments, maintenance and maybe some spacewalks.

And whatever, maybe they fall a little in love! Maybe it’s a romcom!

Ted Lasso

-via TVLine

And speaking of Romcoms… Ted Lasso!

That’s right. It’s a romcom. It’s about falling in love, becoming a better person, seeking out and encouraging the best in others, and sports (sometimes).

Ted Lasso is possibly coming back for a fourth season.

Now – reading between the lines, it’s not a complete lock yet. Hannah Waddingham, Brett Goldstein, and Jeremy Swift have had their options picked up but Jason Sudeikis, Brendan Hunt, and Juno Temple have not locked in their deals yet. I’m not saying they won’t, I’m just saying it hasn’t happened yet.

They are eying a January start to the writers room.

I’m only bringing this up for three reasons.

First – run it back, because I have never, not once, ever waivered in my belief that the show was done. And I love being right. So the first reason is just like… this brings me joy.

It’s also just a heads up that I know many of you also love the show and believe that you also want it to return. But if you love the show and know me, please understand – I am about to reach peak levels of annoying. Oh Kim, how is that possible? You’re about to find out.

And three… because uh… you know… resume and references available upon request.

I will be on my best behavior! I won’t even talk about having a cuppa!

And that’s it. That’s the news.

I’m proud of Hannah Waddingham. And Rebecca Welton.

Bosses. Bosses all around.

But more than dogs – because you are also so cute… I’m proud of you.